President Biden! What Now Though?


Today we anointed Joe Biden as President of the United States.

Crazy to think just four short years ago this was one of the most honourable jobs on the planet, not something akin to MCing the Gathering of the Juggalos. I’d be interested to see what the outgoing administration left of the White House—I’m picturing bare clapboard and chipped plaster, with even the rugs stripped out and en route to Mar-a-Lago or some faux-luxury hotel / Proud Boy hangout. Was anyone keeping an eye on Airforce One to make sure those rascally Trump brothers didn’t syphon off taxpayer’s jet fuel with a garden hose before scuttling off to whatever family bunker to watch the world burn and pray nobody with handcuffs comes calling?

Looting and cowering aside, the real question of the day was whether or not Trump’s cult of witless white wimps would attempt another storming of the now fortified Washington D.C. in the name of their wholly unappreciative overlord. Which of course they didn’t—yet. Say what you will about the Right’s ringleaders, you gotta hand it to ‘em for the most relentless and successful propaganda campaign ever devised. Fox News has been so generationally effective at breaking viewer’s brains the network is now flailing inside its own ecosystem, slipping from the top of TV news’ ratings for the first time in decades as further-fringe outlets dilute their viewership with somehow even more radical and ridiculous blather. Imagine what it’s like when Hannity or Tucker Carlson aren’t shitty enough to get your hate fix, to need to mainline deeper and darker racist lizard people pedo alien bullshit to get those fear endorphins firing, which of course is the only way those brainwashed feeder rats know they’re actually feeling anything at all.

MAGA indeed. Grab a couple more truck flags and a magic pillow while you’re at it.

Was there really a threat of armed uprising mid-inauguration ceremony? Yeah, sadly, there was. After the FBI ran background checks on National Guard troops stationed in the Capitol, a dozen were sent home for extremist activity, while whispers of insider insurrection floated around online. But at the end of the day no army of rabid ‘Stop the Steal’ white trash hopped up on Adderal, cheap beer, and ‘patriotism’ showed. In the long run, I feel like they aren’t ultimately the real threat, anyway—they’ll eventually calm down and go back to being the hateful racist cranks in whatever small town they’re from, shouting at the TV and filling parking lots with nip bottles and cigarette butts. What really worries me are the thousands of active duty and former police and military personnel glomming on to various loosely organized militia and hate groups who are frothy for actual civil war. These people know better than to charge a heavily fortified position or to think a circus sideshow of red hat flag wavers will do much against an actual show of federal force.

No, they’re going to wait and strike strategically, ushering in a new era of domestic terrorism aimed at further weakening the foundations of our society. These monsters are the scary ones, and I hope this new administration has the cajones to hunt ‘em down and destroy them with the same fervour their predecessors reserved for far-less domestically dangerous terror cells in much farther away places.

It was exhilarating to have Biden and Harris win, though the weeks of tantrums and lies that followed drained much of that initial relief. We have to face the fact Trump wasn’t a flash in the pan aberration. We need to recognize millions of Americans are so psychically broken, so programmed by propaganda, they honestly believe everything his tiny tempestuous fingers tap into Twitter. Remember: We have elected officials at the highest levels of government who believe lizard people control the world. What the actual fuck? How do we dismantle systemic racism and the crippling corporate control of our country—let alone dodge climate change’s looming doom—when this level of idiocy isn’t merely normalized, it’s lauded? Shit, as they say, is crazy. I wish I had answers. I wish anybody did, not that we’d hear them amidst the constant drone of inanity drowning us in our own feedback loops. As Trump said when he departed DC as president for the last time this morning, ‘we will be back in some form.’ Even as Biden kicked things off with a blizzard of seventeen executive orders covering everything from rejoining the Paris Climate Accord to shutting down that ridiculous border wall and rolling back restrictive immigration policies, Trump’s final threat echoes.

Hang on tight, it’s gonna be a wild year.

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