You might be thinking, ‘Who cares, dickhead, everyone’s getting vaccinated—we don’t need to read about your experience.’ And that’s fair enough. Bit rude, but fair enough.
Bear in mind, though, I’m not writing this for you, you throbbing neck cyst loaded with spider eggs. This is for the people who are worried the vaccine is A) a ploy to put a 5G chip inside their head, B) laced with some sort of poison to cull the Earth’s human population to ease climate change and keep this place habitable a bit longer (that’s a good one, actually), or C) they didn’t trial it properly and in six months we’ll all go blind and be rounded up by death squads and shoved into a volcano. There are other ridiculous theories bouncing around Facebook like mouse droppings shook around in a shoebox, but that’s the general vibe, and that’s the reason I’m sharing my experience. Here’s what happened when I went to get my second jab.
Firstly, I went to the same vaccination hub in Homebush. This time, though, there were really long lines. Lots of people. Four weeks ago, there was eight of us getting vaccinated, but now it seems the general public has taken an interest in not dying or suffering from the life-long respiratory issues Covid can lay on a fellow. So, I stood in line. And I stood in line. And I stood in line. Then the line began to move; then it stopped. Then it started again. Then some dude was standing way too close to the girl behind me and she looked nervous. I considered saying something but his eyes were darting around in their sockets like they wanted to escape, so I told myself I’d just monitor the situation. And then the line moved some more.
Soon, I was seated in the vaccination centre, waiting for my number to appear on a TV screen. Then it appeared and with it the number of the station where I would be getting my second vaccination. I rose from my seat and effected the bowlegged swagger of a cowboy to see if anyone would notice. No one did.
At jab station 28, I presented my driver’s license and Medicare card and answered a few questions regarding anaphylactic shock, medications I might be on, my browser history, and whether I’d pledged my allegiance to Malloch the owl god. Then the nurse produced the needle containing the vaccine. She held it aloft and muttered an incantation. Then she plunged the needle into my forehead. Moments later, in the observation area, my ears began to ring, and then they picked up KIIS 106.5 and I’ve had Kyle & Jackie O prattling away in my head ever since.