Surprise! Vaping is Bad

Whether you’re using robot cigarettes that taste like Ben & Jerry’s flavors or huffing turpentine out of a paper bag, it turns out repeatedly sucking chemical vapors into your lungs is still not healthy—and it may just kill you.

How is anyone actually surprised by this?

Now that a seventh person has died (and 380 others are sick) from a ‘mysterious new lung disease’ linked to vaping in the United States, the powers-that-be are up in arms, launching probes and threatening outright bans. Even the American president, who counters repeated mass shootings with barely a batted eyelash, has jumped on the vape hate bandwagon.

Guess the vape industry doesn’t have powerful lobbyists, or we’d be issuing JUULs to kindergarten kids with their juice boxes and chewy granola bars.

Naturally, vape makers are defending their myriad candy-flavored products, claiming they aren’t targeted at children. No, they’re designed to help grown-ass adults who are accustomed to hacking their way through a carton of Marlboros while tossing back nips of Fireball quit smoking.


The Center for Disease Control has been investigating this recent outbreak of vape-related illness and is now taking the serious-sounding step of activating its Emergency Operations Center. But even with such a Marvel-movie-like maneuver they still haven’t narrowed down exactly what’s behind all these sick people. Could be it’s in the juice itself, a chemical reaction caused in the vaping process, or something else? They do caution that the way people vape may be part of the problem, with vapers often sucking more and harder than your average cigarette smokers.

While some of the deaths have been connected to counterfeit black market cannabis cartridges, officials have been talking for over a year about the current ‘epidemic’ of teen vapers, many of whom believe these products are safe. Why would they think that? Well, earlier this month leading e-cigarette maker JUUL was charged by the FDA with illegally marketing their vape products as a safe alternative to cigarettes and directly targeting teenagers. They even sent brand representatives into schools to talk to students.

While tragic, the real shock here is that, as a society, we’re once again being duped by yet another big business peddling nicotine. You’d think we’d have learned our lesson from the havoc cigarette smoking has wreaked on global health for the past century. Or maybe it’s not so surprising, considering cigarette smoking is still somehow stereotyped as a rebellious habit, even though you’re effectively paying megacorporations for the privilege of being slowly poisoned.

Pretty sure that’s the opposite of rebellion.

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