Study Links Mindfulness to Being An Insufferable Dickhead


A new study has revealed that being all into yoga and shit is actually making you less chill and more of an asshole.

Dutch behavioural scientists Roos Vonk and Anouk Visser studied the effects of meditation, mindfulness, dreamcatchers, healing crystal dildos, and vegan mayonnaise on the personality, and released their findings in a damning new paper entitled ‘An Exploration of Spiritual Superiority: The Paradox of Self‐Enhancement’.

Vonk and Visser developed a ‘Spiritual Superiority’ questionnaire that required subjects to use a scale of 1 to 7 in response to statements like ‘I am more in touch with my senses than most others,’ ‘I am more aware of what is between heaven and earth than most people,’ and ‘Actually, it’s pronounced keen-wah-ah.’ 

A couple of empaths being mindful recently.

2,223 participants were recruited aged between 15 and 82, with an average age of 41. A third of the subjects had never followed any spiritual training; another third had followed mindfulness or meditation training, and the rest had followed some other form of spiritual practice (describing themselves as an ‘empath,’ sharing details of their good deeds on social media, labelling anyone who challenges their opinion ‘toxic,’ swimming naked in fountains, wanking into mirrors, being annoying in restaurants, etc). When the results were tallied up, Vonk and Visser were not surprised: the spiritual people were all cunts.

A spiritual person looking the part while transcending his ego recently.

‘Like religiosity, spirituality is a domain that seems like a safe and secure investment for self-worth,’ wrote the Dutch behavioural scientists who probably like that salty licorice. ‘One’s spiritual attainments allow lots of room for wishful thinking, thus easily lending themselves to the grip of the self-enhancement motive… Our results illustrate that the self-enhancement motive is powerful and deeply ingrained so that it can hijack methods intended to transcend the ego and, instead, adopt them to its own service.’ In other words, stick your prayer flags up your arse and bugger off back your teepee.

Read Vonk and Visser’s full study here!

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