Sharks Have Learnt to Drive

Words by Sam Hetherington

The NSW SharkSmart team have lost a shark tracking tag.

Or, sharks have learnt to drive. And by driving, we mean absolutely going to fucking town in the Stock Skyline in the uni car park.

NSW SharkSmart put the call out on their Instagram to Shellharbour residents, asking if anyone has accidentally picked up the tag at the beach, because it’s definitely not tracking the juvenile bull shark that it should be. Or is it? I’d imagine this is how a horny bull shark would drive:

The satellite tags (which track sharks’ movements) are attached to juveniles and stay on for about 120 days, before falling off for scientists to collect. In that time, the tags help track the shark’s movement patterns, and ‘pings’ the shark’s location via GPS if the shark breaks the surface for long enough to be picked up by a passing satellite—which is how the NSW Shark Smart team have tracked the tag 5km inland, more specifically, the car park of the University of Wollongong where signals are going bonkers.

‘As you can see by this map, we are getting a strong signal in this area and in a carpark, so it is sitting in someone’s car,’ reads the caption on the NSW Shark Smark Instagram page, with data revealing just how ham the hoon is going.


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A post shared by NSW SharkSmart (@nsw_sharksmart)

There’s even a really cool prize for anyone that comes forward with the whereabouts of the tag: ‘Please share this post to any locals who might be able to help us find it. We’ll send you a cool shark t-shirt if you find it!’

Dear God, I have never wanted a cool shark shirt more in my entire life. Come to think of it, I’ve never wanted a shark shirt, ever. But now I do.

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