Ruby Fields Vs. Pist Idiots

Wolf Alice admitted to keeping their Mercury Prize on a shelf at the local pub, Santigold told us her fate was sealed by a psychic, and Kevin Parker told us literally nothing about the next Tame album.

That’s hard-hitting journalism. Thanks, Daily Splendour. But what do musicians talk about when us journalists aren’t around, waiting for soundbites, catchy headlines and salacious quotes? Do they discuss pet rats, nipple tassels and wearing John Lennon’s skin? You bet your sweet, sugary ass they do. We asked Ruby Fields and Pist Idiots frontman, Jack Sniff, to interview each other, and here’s what they said.

Jack Sniff: What are you doing?

Ruby Fields: Just making dinner in-between practicing.

JS: Cool. How do you feeling about doing an ad-hoc interview right now?

RF: Ah, fuck.

JS: How’s this for a question: what’s for dinner?

RF: Ok, so I made scones just before, and that was afternoon tea. Now I’ve made chilli and I’m putting it in ramekins, and I’m cracking an egg in it to bake it in the oven, with a side of haloumi and sweet potato.

JS: Sounds intense.

RF: Well yeah, you know, I’ve got it all poppin’.

JS: And what did you have for breakfast and how’s your rat going?

RF: For breakky I didn’t really have anything, I just cracked into practice. But my rat is going good; he’s currently with Tas [bass player for Ruby Fields], who’s currently looking at his fire, really proud.

JS: Has he been building fires?

RF: Yeah he’s been building piles of firewood with his manly chainsaw.

JS: God he’s hot.

RF: I’m seriously just looking at him through the kitchen doors and he’s smiling at his own fire. Is this the interview? What did you have for dinner tonight, Sniff?

JS: Small chicken katsu roll. That was lunch and breakfast. Maybe some chips for dinner.

RF: What do you think your Splendour performance will bring to the table that no one else’s will?

JS: Fuck. We’re a consistent machine Ruby and we’ve…

RF: Fallen prey to the system of mediocrity?

JS: Oh no. Maybe. I don’t know what mediocrity means. But mediocre, well…

RF: That’s exactly what it means. Sniff, what are you planning on wearing during your set?

JS: Nothing at all. Nah, you know me: shorts, t-shirt…

RF: Is there potential that the t-shirt will come off?

JS: Halfway. I’ll make a statement.

RF: It’s going to get pretty hot, I mean, you are on at the Amphitheatre.

JS: Yeah, it’s pretty hot in Byron Bay. 

RF: Yeah, you know Pat, my drummer, lived there for about three days.

JS: Did he?

RF: Yeah, he was enough of a local that he would cross the road without looking both ways.

JS: Oh god, that’s beautiful. 

RF: I even heard he became friends with Chris Hemsworth up there, too.

JS: So pretty much everyone else in your band is just a whole bunch of lover boys.

RF: Yeah, exactly. And we’ve got Tarz, who has an identity crisis with his moustache.

JS: Ah, been there, know what you’re talking about. 

RF: Yeah, he’s like, ‘Do I keep it? Do I not? Do I get a beard? Do I look like a sex offender?’ You never know.

JS: Anyway, Rubes, what’s your plans for Splendour?

RF: I’m gonna get there and I’m gonna do it. Then I’m gonna leave and I’m gonna get my mum to pick me up from the airport.

JS: Are you going to bring your rat?

RF: Fuck that. Can you imagine?

JS: Rats on a plane.

RF: What pet would you get if you could get a pet?

JS: Maybe a goldfish.

RF: Tas wants fish, but I honestly don’t get it. He says that ‘chicks would think it’s cool if I have a fish tank in my room.’ But I can guarantee you right now, Tas, that that is not the case.

JS: If you were to wear someone else’s skin as your own, whose would it be?

RF: Um, well, if I were to wear… maybe Girg’s [Ruby and the Pist Idiots manager]. Bit of automatic sun protection, might be referred to as a golden Egyptian.

JS: Obviously you’ll keep that beautiful head of hair of yours. 

RF: I might keep a few kgs off the gut as well, but we’ll keep that between us. C’mon man, why have a six pack when you can have the whole keg?

JS: His melanin levels would be incredible. I’m just thinking about it now, and I think I might be John Lennon. 

RF: Right, ok.

JS: John Lennon’s skin would be nice. 

RF: If you could create a World of Warcraft character profile, what would your name be?

JS: Shneelius the Conqueror. 

RF: That’s what you’re going with?

JS: No, that’s not what I’m going with.

RF: I love the insecurity that I just set into you by asking if that’s what you’re going with.

JS: How about… Daenerys Longbottom.

RF: Is that like a fanfiction between Khaleesi and Neville?

JS: That is exactly right. 

RF: Ok, I like that. I think mine would be, like, Swag Killer Dawg or something. A-W-G.

JS: Very criminalistic. 

RF: What do you think about chicks that wear nipple tassels to Splendour?

JS: Love it.

RF: Cool. What do you think about men that wear nipple tassels to Splendour?

JS: Love it also. 

RF: Ok, there you go. I can’t even scratch my brain anymore. Would you rather have a finger for a penis, or penises for fingers?

JS: Penises for fingers.

RF: Really? Everyone can see them.

JS: Yeah. Can you imagine the pleasure? 

RF: I mean yeah, if one got tired you’d had nine more of them.

JS: That’s right, it’s incredible.

RF: But wait, think about this though—you wouldn’t be able to pick anything up with them because they’re either floppy, or completely hard.

JS: Alright, would you rather have nipples where your eyes were, or eyes where your nipples were?

RF: I’d have them where my nipples are so I can say, ‘Eyes down here, mate.’

JS: That’s very good.

RF: Thank you.

JS: Who would you karate kick in the head?

RF: Oh. Probably Dean Lewis because we’re clashing set times.

JS: Have you got any tricks you’re going to pull on the people for your Splendour show? 

RF: Well, let me just say that before we walk on stage, we’re not using a song, but something else to get the people excited.

JS: Ooooh. An orchestra? 

RF: You’re not allowed to guess.

JS: Fireworks?

RF: You’re not allowed to guess.

JS: Alright, beautiful. Thank you, Ruby. I think we should congratulate ourselves on this. We did well.

RF: Ok, bye.

Read more from The Daily Splendour #11 right here

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter