Sex Dunes Shutdown

On New Years Day of 2022, an unusual research study was published, documenting the environmental impacts on the coastal dunes from too many people having sex on them.

Probably not so unusual considering New Year’s Eve would have been a typically busy night for getting down, but the fact there is a peer-reviewed article on this makes me think people have too much time on their hands. The study was based in the Canary Islands’ Dunes of Maspalomas. Although I have yet to visit these dunes in person, they’re apparently quite the tourist hot spot and are legally protected as a nature reserve.

In the study, 300 sex spots were researched across 5,800 square metres. In these areas, the dunes have been significantly impacted by humans seeking sex spots, creating a cover for said sex spots, and creating wear and tear along popular tracks to the sex spots.

While one person having sex randomly on a drunk night out isn’t too much call for concern, the Canary Islands problem involves hundreds per night/day. With this many people, it has the same detrimental impact as 4WD racing (Talk about going for it). As more and more people have sex, the vegetation on the dunes eventually dies. This then affects the animals that call that vegetation home, like lizards who use it for protection from predators. When there’s less vegetation to hide in, the lizards have to make a run for it across much larger distances. There have also been accounts of jellyfish eating Gran Canary giant lizards which have died because they ate discarded condoms thinking they were goddamn jellyfish. That’s both gross and sad. So, next time you’re about to root on the beach, think about the goddamn lizards and just book a hotel—it’ll be more enjoyable for literally everyone involved.

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