On the Road with Pist Idiots

With a name like Pist Idiots, I should have seen it coming.

Off the back of their latest EP, Ticker, the Pist Idiots hit the road from October to November, covering everywhere from Brisbane right through to Adelaide. Half-way through their journey, I met the boys in Melbourne, and to my surprise, they seem fresh-faced and ready to turn things up to the next level. I’m certainly no tour expert—in fact, this trip took my tour virginity—but it didn’t take long for me to realise touring is a serious marathon. A travelling, drinking, chicken burger-consuming, marathon of madness. Between the endless laughs and getting on each other’s nerves, the Pist Idiots put on some of the craziest shows I’ve seen them perform to date. It’s near impossible to include everything that happened on this tour, so here’s the best bits.

In true Melbourne fashion, the temperature turned from 20 to 35 degrees the day before the rendezvous. Clearly not reading the forecast, Joe (guitarist) was the only one wearing jeans as we hit the road for the beachside town of Frankston. Despite the ridiculous heat, we decided to spend the afternoon sweating balls at the local skatepark. That night it took half a song before a schooner of beer was hurled skyward, leaving the ceiling dripping for most of the set. This really set the mood for the rest of the night, with people flying everywhere like schooners too—something I did not expect from Frankston.

A lot of people in the Australian music scene will have heard of Zaza. For those who haven’t, she’s basically Melbourne’s answer to a mother figure when it comes to looking after bands. When shit hits the fan, she’s the first to deal with it. In fact, shit never gets to hit the fan on her watch. She’s always one step ahead. Big shout outs to her and Wade-o for their legendary kindness whilst in Melbourne.

Up next was Melbourne’s infamous venue Howler, and yes, it was indeed a howler. This night seemed extra special with numerous Melbourne friends and bands turning up to show their love and support for the boys.

This was also the first night that Canberra’s New Age Group joined the tour and quickly became everyone’s new favourite band. Frontman Dom is such a character, whose lyrics and personality are simply infectious. He also has one of the best ‘punk kicks’ (as I like to call them) in the business, thanks to his background in kickboxing. A true pleasure to shoot photos of.

This night was also Mandude’s (Miniskirt) and Belton’s (Pist Idiots) birthday, which was celebrated with a classic Woolworths mud-cake mid-way through Miniskirts’ set. The celebrations continued into the early morning as we bar hopped around Melbourne singing corny hip-hop classics and sipping on the finest of pineapple Cruisers. A night to remember… if possible.

The closer we edged towards the motherland of Sydney, the bigger and crazier the shows got. The Pist Idiots are certainly no strangers around Newcastle, Sydney and Wollongong, and as expected, these venues drew the largest crowds of the tour.

You can tell from the sticky floors and deathly odour of beer-drenched carpet that there have been some wild times at the Newcastle Hotel. If you stood still long enough, you’d stick to the floor forever. Thankfully, there would be no such thing as standing still at this gig, with the stage soon flooded with screaming teenagers belting out the chorus to ‘Leave it at That’, a Pist Idiots anthem.

The energy throughout the venue led to a spectacular display of guitar aerobics. The challenge was this: launch your guitar up and around your head to complete a 360-degree flip and land back in your hands. Simple, right? Both Jack and Joe (surprisingly) landed the stunt perfectly. Up next was Tommy, aka ‘The Artefact’, who’s heavier bass proved to be a major contributing factor to the launch. Letting excitement get the better of his technique, the bass spun up, around and off his face and launched towards John on the drums behind him, missing his head by centimetres. You had to be there.

Thanks to the hospitality of the Newcastle Hotel, we bunked up in the one-room like we were back on Year 6 camp, and prepared for the biggest show of the tour: Sydney. Before heading homewards, we stopped into the Falcon Restaurant, where you’ll find the best Bloody Mary’s and chicken burgers in Newcastle. Go visit Mikey, you won’t regret it.

Landing on Thursday the 31st of October, we found all the freaks of Sydney attending the Pist Idiots home show on Halloween. Before the main event, both the Pist Idiots and Miniskirt boys hit the dollar shops to purchase their costumes for the night. After spending a regrettable amount of money on cheap plastic outfits, we returned home to an icy bucket of home-made punch thanks to Tommy’s girlfriend—our fuel for the evening ahead. Dressed in matching green, skeleton reaper-looking things, Miniskirt tore the roof off the Oxford Art Factory. It only took a few songs before the costumes flew off and Mandude flew into the crowd to surf a sea of hands. Covered in fake blood, cowboy hats and fake six-packs, the Pist Idiots left nothing in the tank that night, showering the crowd in copious amounts of glitter purchased earlier that day.

Edging closer to the finish line, we headed to Wollongong (my favourite part of the trip). That afternoon we spent our time in the sun, drinking beers and skating our mate’s pink mini-ramp at a true dreamland of a house. With a huge friendship circle from Sydney and Wollongong rallying together, the show was a close contender for the loosest gig of the tour. That evening there were no shortages of stage dives and crowd surfing. After many tries, the security guards simply gave up trying to control the madness.

And then it happened. A PROPOSAL. This was the most adorable fucking thing I’d seen in my life. Planned weeks in advance, Adam had been in contact with the Pist Idiots to help scheme the perfect surprise proposal. Cutting the music three songs in, the crowd was commanded to crouch down and form a circle. Taking his wife-to-be by the hand, Adam led Lucy into the middle of the room and dropped a knee. AND SHE SAID YES. After a long embrace, Adam and Lucy took to the stage and danced to ‘Booze Blues’, the first song they ever danced to together. Love was indeed in the air that night—congrats Adam and Lucy.

A week off the burgers and beers proved helpful in recovering for one final hoorah in Canberra. We stopped in at the Big Merino in Goulburn, but sadly couldn’t get a photo with its huge ball sack due to kids hanging out beneath them like it was their local hangout. Most of our time in Canberra was spent in the venue’s greenroom which was, in fact, a university lecture room. Here the boys began practising stand up comedy routines, putting on pretend lectures and reminiscing on memories gone by. Placing the Bluetooth speaker next to the lectern microphone soon turned the lecture room into our own personal rave cave.

Dancing like the true Pist Idiots they are, this is where the tour would officially end. Thanks for having me boys, until next time.

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter