You’ve got a girlfriend. You like your girlfriend. Hell, maybe you even love her. But guess what? You’re gonna lose her before January if you fuck up Christmas.
Finding a thoughtful Christmas gift for that special lady in your life isn’t easy. Have a think about it right now—what does she want? Go on, think about it. I’ll wait…
Hard, isn’t it? And don’t bother asking her what she wants this year, because she’ll just say, ‘Greg. I shouldn’t have to tell you what I want. You should just know.’ Face it, you’re screwed. You’ll end up getting her something crap and then she’ll file Christmas 2022 under ‘Times Gregory Disappointed Me’. You’re cooked, mate. It’s over. There’s no way you’re getting out of this one… But wait. Yes, there is. And it’s called MC’s Girlfriend Gift Guide. Let’s go shopping.
I know what you’re thinking: What? An amazing pizza oven? She won’t want that! But you know what I say? I say show me the woman that doesn’t love pizza, and I’ll show you a woman who doesn’t know how to live! Who doesn’t love pizza? I’ll tell you who—women who don’t know how to live. If your girlfriend doesn’t like pizza, drop off her at the Dumpsville city limits (population: her) and get yourself an old lady who will do backflips Xmas morning when you present her with this Ooni Koda outdoor pizza oven! The oven requires zero assembly—you just unbox it, hook it up to a gas supply, and start knocking out those pizza pies! The Ooni Koda outdoor pizza oven can hit 500 degrees Celsius (932 f) in 15 minutes, so you can cook a pizza in, like, 30 seconds—just like they do at the pizza pie shop! That’s Amore, baby. Merry Christmas.
She might not play basketball now, but she will when she has her own personalized ball! Close your eyes and imagine the look on that special, special lady’s face when she unwraps this bad boy on Christmas morning! Made from high-quality composite leather, this Spalding Personalized Basketball is tailored for both indoor and outdoor court use, and will allow your missus to really make her mark on the game! And here’s the best bit—you can both use it! You can go down the courts and play a little one-on-one, and if she’s not up for it for whatever reason, you can just call a friend and play with him! I think this is what they call a win-win.
Expect as many kisses on Christmas morning as there are pieces to assemble (1,458) in this detailed replica of the awesome Porsche 911. You can’t afford to buy the love of your life a real Porsche with the money you make delivering pamphlets, but she’ll have more fun piecing together a LEGO® one, right? That’s the kinda chick she is! She’ll love immersing herself in this thrilling building project! Imagine now, your main squeeze hunkered down and captivated as this classic car comes to life, brick-by-brick, beginning with the chassis and moving all the way up to the rear-mounted, air-cooled flat-six engine. And the best bit is you can build it together! And if she gets sleepy and has to lie down, you can keep working on the LEGO® Porsche 911 and maybe even surprise her by finishing it!
Nothing says I love you and Merry Christmas like the gift of a Beer Advent Calendar. Is there a better way to count down the days ‘til old Saint Nick comes a calling? If there is, I don’t know what. Give your sweetheart a Brewquets Beer Advent Calendar on December 1st and watch her merrily drink her way to the birthday of Jesus. With 25 different beers from 25 different breweries, this box is bursting at the seams with suds that she’ll just LOVE to chug through the yuletide season. And here’s the good news: if she misses a day, you can help keep her stay on track by drinking the beer for her. Merry Christmas and God bless us every one!
I know one thing your girlfriend DEFINITELY does NOT want for Christmas: pash rash. Why not surprise your common-law wife with this beautiful men’s shaving set by Lorenzi Milano and keep your scratchy face smooth as a baby’s bum? The set features a top-of-the-line Gillette Fusion razor, badger hair shaving brush and a sturdy stand, all handsomely crafted from deer antlers and housed in an elegant hand-blown glass bell. A little pricey at seven-hundred-and-somethin’ bucks, but she’ll never have a red chin again, and that’s the gift that keeps on giving.
What? She’s got a bicycle, right? Then why wouldn’t she be stoked to point of collapse when she unwraps her very own 413-piece metric/SAE custom series tool kit by SP Tools? This rolling cabinet of handy treasures has everything: screwdrivers, magnetic hex keys, non-magnetic hex keys, pliers (combination, long nose, locking, multigrips, and circlips), adjustable wrenches, a 67-piece socket set, a 31-piece racket set, a pin punch, chisels, chisels, chisels, a hacksaw, telescopic inspection mirror, pry-bar set, a circuit tester, a digital multimeter, and hundreds of other awesome tools across a 7-drawer steel toolbox. Oof. I hope she got YOU something good.
Mrs. Claus Costume
Lastly (and this is just a fun one that you could pair with any of the above gift ideas), a Mrs. Claus costume! It’s just a bit of fun. Why should Halloween be the only time of year we dress up for a laugh? Also, Mrs. Claus outfits are insanely cheap! I found the one below on Etsy for, like, twenty bucks, which is a small price to pay to make that special gal happy this holiday season. And hey! You could pretend to be Santa! How would that be? Merry Christmas. x