Man Challenges Ex-Wife to Samurai Fight

My girlfriend and I occasionally argue about stuff.

To be honest, we disagree about something almost every day. But it’s rarely very serious and always ends with an apology from me because I am wrong. If we have a serious fight, with raised voices and furrowed brows, it’ll finalise itself with a rap battle—but a man from Kansas has a better idea.

Last week, David Ostrom lodged a court filing that stated his former wife, Bridgette, and her attorney, Matthew Hudson, had basically wiped him out, and he petitioned the judge to allow he and his ex-wife to ‘resolve (their) disputes on the field of battle, legally,’ noting that ‘trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States.’ David Ostrom also requested a 12-week break so he’d have time to track down and purchase the necessary samurai swords.

The judge told him he was being silly, but Ostrom insists that by requesting mortal combat he has merely matched Hudson’s absurdity with ‘equal absurdity.’ Hudson the absurdist lawyer argued that because a duel could end in death, it was fucking ridiculous, and asked the judge to reject David Ostrom’s request.

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