Mick Fanning’s beer company, Balter, just sold to Carlton United Breweries for $150 Million.
Fanning is a co-founder of Balter, and at a press conference today the three-time world surfing champion dressed as a cowboy and said through a mouthful of roast swan that his beer company had set out to create a ‘fun’ brand, but one that was very serious about growth. Then he coughed, vomited, and a dwarf in a loincloth appeared from behind him to mop it up. ‘Thank you, Lionel,’ he said.
‘Each and every day you just want to better yourself,’ continued the wildly affluent shark-dodger, adding that the brand’s success could be attributed primarily to the joy of working closely with mates. ‘That’s the culture we’ve built,’ he said while cutting up rare Picasso lithographs with a pair of scissors that once belonged to Elvis. ‘That’s how I roll.’
Fanning then pushed the podium over, threw out some Reef sandals and farted into the microphone. ‘Peace-out, cunts,’ he said and left the stage with Lionel in tow.