Kanye’s Christian Conspiracy Exposed

We normally leave all the baloney about Kanye and the Kardashians for our friends at Pedestrain.tv to cover, but I’ve had some thoughts recently, and one of them was about Kanye and what he’s up to with the Sweet Baby Jesus.

One day soon, Kanye West will release his ninth studio album, Jesus Is King. It was supposed to drop in late September but, for whatever reason, it didn’t. In four days, though, on October 25th, an IMAX movie called Jesus Is King will be released… hopefully. The film is, of course, a companion to the unreleased album, and, of course, Yeezy is stalling on the album to create extra buzz—but what in the name of fudge is he up to with all the Jesus shenanigans?

Ye’s ‘sermon’ at Coachella this year.

To be fair, this isn’t the first time he’s been a bit how ya goin’ with the Lord, but if I was a cynical man, which I am, I would suggest that Kanye is ramping up his devotion to Christ in order to win the hearts and minds of bible-bashing middle America. Why? Because he wants their votes in 2024.

In 2015, Kanye announced he was going to run for POTUS in 2020, which seemed completely absurd at the time. But then a worthless asswipe from a reality show was inaugurated in 2016, and now anyone can be president: the ghost of Elvis Presley, Rick from Rick & Morty, an expired 7Eleven hotdog, a scrap of paper with ‘Mr. President’ scrawled on it. Literally anyone and anything can be the leader of the free world now, so why not Kanye West?

Church merch at kanyewest.com.

Regardless of how nuts you might think he is, Kanye can—and more than likely will—win the youth vote. He might also win the black vote. And, with his new album about how rad Jesus is, he could definitely nail down the Christian vote (it’s worth noting that 70.6% of Americans currently identify as Christian).

This seemed crazy last year, but he knew exactly what he was doing.

Since announcing his bid for Presidency, the rapper that can’t be told nuthin’ has pushed his campaign plans to 2024, allowing more time to convince America’s God-botherers that he’s a holy man while maintaining his core fanbase by… converting them?

Watch out, Hillsong, he’s coming for your money…

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