Italian Brand Makes Pre-Fucked Luggage

There was once a time called ‘The 90s,’ and in ‘The 90s’ it was cool to have pre-distressed jeans.

I must confess that back then I had some pre-distressed jeans, but I pre-distressed them myself with a box-cutter. They looked absurd but, paired with my bootleg Budweiser long sleeve and my silky shoulder-length hair, I thought I looked like a roadie for, say, Alice In Chains (cool!), but the reality is I looked like your typical punter at a Things of Stone & Wood gig (not cool). While we’re on the subject, I remember a news item in the 90s about someone being inconsolable because their grandma repaired their very expensive pre-distressed jeans. It was funny. Also, someone broke into Buckingham Palace with a sponge and a rusty spanner… Or was that in the 80s? My childhood gets blurrier every year since, you know, the accident… But I’m meandering again (as I always do since the accident)—we’re here to talk about Crash Baggage, the Italian luggage that’s been pre-kicked-the-fuck-out-of.

‘What’s the first thing we think of when we buy a new suitcase?’ say the people from Crash Baggage. ‘We are afraid that it will be [kicked to bits by the gorillas at the airport]’ And so they made ABS and polycarbonate suitcases with dents moulded right into them. ‘Our “Handle Without Care” travel philosophy exalts freedom of movement and action where and when you want, without worry.’ In other words: We fucked it for you. You’re welcome.

Crash Baggage comes in a range of colours and dents, and even includes a range of transparent cases that allow people to see your dirty underpants and whatever you stole from the hotel; or, in the case of the woman below, your bananas.

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