If I Die on Mars

Want to go to Mars and never come back? Yeah, neither.

Suicide mission. Like going over to your girlfriend’s house when she said “No, I’m not annoyed,” but she really is and you’re about to get it and not in a good way. And the Mars One mission.

If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a non-government organisation in The Netherlands that want to go conquer Mars, by putting humans on the Red Planet, so that maybe one day when our planet is completely in the bin we can go live there. They plan to send the first four people there in 2026, followed by a fresh pair of human offerings every two years following that. Also, it’s a one-way ticket, so if you get sick of your floating tortillas, you can’t call Mum to come and pick you up.

You’re dying there (if you haven’t already died en route). It’s quirky, it’s cute, it’s probably not going to work, but trying never hurt anyone. Except in this case. They need $6 billion to finance the whole thing and they’re a little short, but some of the schemes to get funding include crowdsourcing and selling the rights to be made into reality TV.

MTV Cribs: Mars Edition
MTV Cribs: Mars Edition

I’m not down for it. Any planet that doesn’t contain my alcoholic friends is no planet I want to be on, but according to Mars One, 200, 000 people really hate their shitty cubicle jobs and applied to leave Earth and never come back. If I Die on Mars, by director Ed Perkins, was filmed when there were 660 candidates remaining. They’ve recently culled it down to 100, after taking part in Hunger Games style group challenges. Only one of the three who are featured in this doco are still in the running, we’ll let you guess who (ok, it’s obviously the guy that can recite all the numbers in pi). Still in the top 100 are seven Australians. May the odds be ever in your favour.

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter