Crossword puzzles are super-difficult.
I should know—I race through one as fast as I can every morning in an attempt to bring shame upon Radge and his family. You see, during last year’s lockdown, Radge invited me to compete against him on The New York Times crossword app. It’s only a small crossword, maybe ten questions, but it’s still quite challenging, and also it’s timed. Ideally, you want to finish in under a minute if you hope to beat Radge and bring shame to his house. Fortunately, I am much smarter than Radge and I beat him every day without fail. Sometimes Radge cheats and I call him out on it. In January, he finished a crossword in 11 seconds. ‘You fucking cheat,’ I said via text. Radge told me to get out of the crossword kitchen if I couldn’t handle the heat. Many of you would know Radge from his appearances on Brown Cardignan years ago. I know him through my friend Griffo, who met him when he advertsied for a tennis partner on Instagram. Ah, but we’re not here to talk about how Griffo meets men on the internet, are we? No. We’re here to talk about snake anuses. My bad. We’re here to talk about this new meta puzzle created by the high-brow so-and-sos at that hallowed literary magazine—The New Yorker.
I have a friend at The New Yorker, actually; one of the senior editors. I won’t say his name because I don’t think he’d appreciate appearing so close to ‘snake anuses’. But I digress, again, for the sake of filling this space. The New Yorker have made a jigsaw puzzle that, when completed, presents a secondary puzzle: a crossword puzzle. Isn’t that nightmarish? The good news: if you come to the end of challenge number one (the jigsaw) and you can’t be arsed tackling challenge two (the crossword), you can just open the envelope with the answers (above) and cheat. Then you smear wood glue over the whole thing and and hang it on the wall so visitors understand that you read The New Yorker and know how to operate snail tongs. Get your crossaw jigword puzzle here!