Trump’s four-year reign of terror is almost over, provided the majority of the American public get their votes in for old man Joe Biden.
During his term in charge of the free world, Trump has proved he’s a racist, misogynistic all-round piece of shit who’s all about making himself rich off the back of hardworking Americans. He’s on par with James Buchanan—the 15th President who morally opposed slavery but believed it was ok according to the constitution—as arguably the worst president of all time. Hell, right now even Richard Nixon would be a godsend. All this talk about the election and who would make the best president got me thinking about fictional presidents, and how it’s no surprise the majority of them have performed their duties better than Trump. So, here are some onscreen leaders we’d rather see take office than the current COVID spreading dickhead.
President James Dale (Jack Nicholson) – Mars Attacks!
I’d vote for Jack Nicholson if he ran for office, but as this is unlikely, the next best thing is his character from action-comedy Mars Attacks!. Unlike Trump, President James Dale is a man of peace, even when alien life forms attempt to assassinate him and then massacre his entire cabinet. Dale attempts to convince the invading aliens waging a war against mankind is silly and they should unite as one. His passionate speech preaches harmony and cohabitation, with Dale ending his rousing monologue with the pleading, ‘Why be enemies? Because we’re different? Think of the things that we could do! Why destroy when you can create! Why can’t we all just get along?’ He brings a tear to the eye of the alien leader, who then proceeds to kill him.
President Kang – The Simpsons
President Kang gets a bad rap for enslaving all of humanity, but at least his policies aren’t guided by greed or his ego. In this classic Simpsons episode, aliens Kang and Kodos disguise themselves as Bill Clinton and Bob Dole and attempt to take control of the earth through political means. When their plan is uncovered, the two remind the public they still have to vote for one of them (the real Clinton and Dole were shot off into space by Homer) due to America’s two-party system, with Kang ultimately winning and enslaving the human race. While not ideal, you have to commend Kang’s strategy and understand he helped unite people of all races against a common enemy, himself, even if it means the human race are now slaves.
President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) – Independence Day
Here’s a President you can rely on in the worst of times. Not only does Thomas J. Whitmore have to deal with the grief of losing his wife, but the former fighter pilot is also tasked with preventing the destruction of earth from a race of alien beings. While Trump would sell his firstborn to save his own skin, Whitmore takes the fight to the alien scum. His rousing speech, where he claims, ‘Today, we celebrate our Independence Day,’ is more believable than anything Trump has said during his stay in the Oval Office and is sure to have you ready to fight if any future alien invasions occur.
President Tom Beck (Morgan Freeman) – Deep Impact
Morgan Freeman is the ideal actor to play the President of the United States. Dignified, humble and in possession of a distinct authoritative voice that commands attention, there’s a trusting calmness to Freeman, something Donald is clearly lacking. Delivering the devastating news an extinction-level comet is headed towards earth, Deep Impact’s President Tom Beck does his best to keep American’s calm and united as the world awaits its impending doom. As luck would have it, a mission to destroy the comet is partly successful and millions on earth survive, thanks to Beck’s clear direction in combating the oncoming comet. The film ends with Beck delivering an inspiring speech as America begins to rebuild, making me wish Freeman was on the ballot.
President James Marshall (Harrison Ford) – Air Force One
It’s safe to say if Air Force One were under attack from terrorists, Donald wouldn’t have the guts to fight back like our man Harrison Ford. As President James Marshall, a former Vietnam Vet and Medal Of Honour recipient, he uses all of his skill and nounce to take down the hijackers and save his family. Marshall has all the qualities you want from a President and isn’t afraid to put his life on the line for his country, unlike the draft-dodging Trump.
President Baxter Harris (Leslie Neilson) – Scary Movie 3 & 4
Much like the character he portrays in The Naked Gun series, Leslie Neilson’s President Baxter Harris is a bumbling idiot who somehow finds himself in a position of power. As the President, Harris is a piss-take of George Bush Jr. who routinely puts his foot in it, offending almost everyone he comes in contact with throughout the two films. Despite his faults, there’s a likable naivety to Harris, who still does a better job than Trump and is somehow less offensive, even managing to thwart an alien attack.