Crocodile Baby Boom Imminent 

According to The Bureau of Meteorology, La Niña is definitely on the way and she’s bringing a butt-load of baby crocodiles.

The wet weather forecasted for this summer will make more baby crocodiles because stormy weather makes mummy and daddy crocodiles exceptionally horny. In fact, they generally won’t get into it unless it’s raining, and Koorana Crocodile Farm owner John Lever is over the moon at the prospect of a frenzied mating season. ‘Rain is a sexual stimulant for them, so they are all out their mating at the moment,’ Lever told the ABC while rubbing his hands together and hopping from foot to foot. ‘I hope we are going to get high fertility rates this year with some good follow-up rains after Christmas—He-he!’*

Who is this boy?

But why does precipitation make these prehistoric throwbacks so hopelessly fucking randy? Lever says it has something to do with their DNA: ‘It has something to do with their DNA,’ he says, ‘as there are certain things that excite crocodiles; rain is one of them. If you get storms, you know you are going to get high fertility rates—Ho-ho!’** The big question on everyone’s lips though—how will our friends in Far North Queensland (where many of Australia’s crocodiles have houses) deal with croc baby boom? They won’t. They’ll be eaten to death.

*’He-he!’ added by author.

**’Ho-ho!’ added by author.

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