Do you like being nude? I do. It’s my favourite thing. That and jelly.
When I come home at the end of the day, I immediately take off all my clothes because nude is my preferred state. I like being nude so much, I once took all my clothes off at an office party and streaked. This is true, and it remains the best thing I ever did for $50. But that was back when my birthday suit looked not so bad; these days it looks like a Datsun 200B some teenagers learned to drive on a farm, and that’s why I will not be taking the 2021 Fantastic Film Festival Australia’s invitation to watch the Belgian cult film Patrick in the nude.
If you’d like to watch the Belgian cult film Patrick in the nude, there are some rules you will have to observe. Firstly, you can’t just rock up with your pecker out. You may only disrobe when you are in the screening room. Also, you must bring a towel so that your dirty arse doesn’t touch the nice clean cinema seats. You also may not visit the concession stand in the nude mid-screening to buy popcorn. I won’t even be attending a nude screening clothed because A) it is forbidden, and B) I do not wish to see the bodies of other people who treated themselves like fucking farm cars. But I would like to see Patrick because the trailer (below) looks good. Interesting to note, twice as many Sydney people have bought nude tickets to Patrick screenings as have Melbourne people… If you’d like to air your bits in a dark, enclosed space with a bunch of strangers, visit fantasticfilmfestival.com.au for nude session details.