Cats are the best.
And yet, they are the worst because their anuses touch many things that we touch with our hands, faces and lips. But how many things do their visible and exposed assholes touch? This is a question that has plagued humanity since we first domesticated the fluffy little devils back in 1987. Fortunately, someone has gone out of their way to study cats and their dirty bums—a 6th grader from Tennessee named Kaeden Griffin.
As part of his science project for the school science fair, Kaeden painstakingly followed his cats, Taco and Maya, as they went about their lives, to see if they were touching everything with their little cigar burns and acting like it’s not a big deal. Kaeden also went to the trouble of putting lipstick on his cat’s arses so that a red mark would be left wherever they sat. Prepare to be astounded, because the results of Kaeden’s research are astounding… They’re not really. Cats don’t really touch much stuff with their butts. The end.