From The Mag: Rachel Brown’s Advice Column

Often to my dismay, Rachel Brown is honest.

The sage young writer (perhaps best known for musical projects, Water From Your Eyes and Thanks For Coming) has never hesitated to tell me when I am fucking blowing it, and in no subtle words. When life's struggles come for me, Rachel makes me feel not necessarily comforted, but certainly better than I did - whipped, but better equipped to deal with the world. You sent in your woes, Rachel answered.

I don't want to be a DJ, it seems corny to me, but all of my friends are DJ's and go to DJ events and I like them and want to hang out and have fun but it feels fucking lame.

You do not have to be a DJ to go to DJ events. You can just tag along and not be a DJ. You also don’t always have to go. You can sit some nights out and do whatever you want. Also, being a DJ is not inherently corny, it’s just that a lot of people who have terrible taste want to be DJs. Doing something you don’t want to do just because you think you’re supposed to in order to be cool is incredibly corny though, and making your friends feel bad because they don’t want to do the exact same things as you is also corny. Deciding to DJ should be your choice. Personally, I can’t say I always love to go to the party, but when I do it’s always a good time.

My girlfriend doesn't give head but I do it for her a lot. Is this fair? I want to be chill but it bugs me.

It does not sound fair to me personally, but relationships are about compromise. First: Have you asked her why? Perhaps there is a world in which it is more appealing to her but you will need to have a conversation about it in order to implement a solution. Second: Are there things you won’t budge on that bug her? Again, relationships are about compromising and maybe each of you has a quirk that the other person doesn’t like but can tolerate. Third: Do you think this frustration is solely about giving and receiving head or is it just a part of a larger problem in the relationship? Usually small disagreements that we can’t move past are just wrapped up in a larger incompatibility issue. Lastly: Does it really matter? Does your relationship fulfill you? Does it feel like your relationship lacks anything that you think is necessary for a partnership? If the answer is that you are happy and fulfilled, then focus on the things she does that you do appreciate.

I have been a lesbian since the sixth grade, but I’m attracted to my best friend’s brother (who might be gay idk). She doesn’t let me hang out with him even though she thinks I’m gay. Help.

First of all, I don’t think you have to decide anything about who you are right now. Your understanding of your identity will morph as your world grows and you meet new people. You should let connections happen no matter who it is as long as they are bringing positive energy into your life.

Second, if she is your best friend you should talk to her about how you are feeling and hopefully she will understand. It might be uncomfortable, but if you let her know that maintaining your friendship is important to you then she will give you the space to have an honest conversation. I don’t know how old you are but I don’t think it’s ever too early to be vulnerable with the people in your life. Talking things through will let you know how to proceed with your feelings for her brother. If she doesn’t support you two trying things out, then perhaps you should move forward without figuring out what your attraction to him means.

There will be so many people who will come into your life and you will learn more about yourself through your relationships with them, the most important thing is to be around people who allow you to figure things out without forcing you to become or stay a certain way. Your friends and partners should make you feel like you are growing into the person you are meant to be, and open communication is the basis of a strong connection.

I like peeling dead skin and eating it. I get sunburnt on purpose so I can peel off the skin and eat it. Am I ok?

This sounds like a “My Strange Addiction” episode. Getting sunburnt on purpose is not okay, that is definitely unhealthy. The other half of this is out of my wheelhouse. I think you should talk to your doctor.