America’s Most F’d Up Conspiracy Theories


Democracy has finally prevailed and Donald Trump is on his way out of the White House, although he’s not going quietly.

As expected, the gross, orange-faced goblin is making a ruckus, claiming voter fraud as part of a bigger government conspiracy to prevent his re-election. Anyone with half a brain knows his claims are totally bogus, but still, millions of American’s are buying into his pathetic rhetoric. While I’d love to say I’m surprised, sadly I’m not. The Yanks have proven time and time again they’re willing to believe almost any half-assed conspiracy theory they read on the Internet (not all Americans, obviously), especially when it involves the government. Here are six of the craziest conspiracy theories from the land of the free.

Poisonous Snow In Georgia

You’ve probably heard of killer bees but what about poisonous snow? This conspiracy took hold during the winter of 2014 when multiple videos appeared online showing snow refusing to melt. An extra heavy snowfall in Georgia found people attempting to melt the snow with cigarette lighters, but it just turned black and emitted a strange odour. Without looking into the science behind the phenomenon, people immediately claimed it was some sort of chemical weapon created by the government. It didn’t take long for multiple news stations to debunk the theory. While the snow doesn’t appear to be melting, it’s actually doing so from the inside due to a process called sublimation. As for the colour and smell, that’s the flame burning the snow and the butane from the lighters people were using to melt the snow. Duh. Myth busted.

April Is The Blood Sacrifice Month

Throughout history, the second half of April has been referred to as the time of ‘blood sacrifice.’ Hundreds of years ago, followers of the sun god Baal would make sacrificial offerings, mostly humans, to appease the deity during this period. Over the last few decades, Internet sleuths have discovered dozens of major American tragedies have occurred during April, including the Columbine High School Massacre and the Boston Marathon Explosions. Putting two and two together, these tin-foil hat enthusiasts believe these events are actually sacrifices disguised as tragedies, orchestrated by the government as part of some unholy pact with Baal for world domination.

The Reptilians Are Running American Politics

One of the wildest conspiracy theories comes from the mind of former TV presenter turned New Age conspiracist, David Icke. Claiming the world is run by shape-shifting reptilian creatures that have infiltrated every level of society and government, Icke’s conspiracy reads like a science fiction story. His mind-boggling theory also includes links to the Illuminati and New World Order, 5G being responsible for Covid-19 and something about the moon being a spacecraft where the aliens control our brains from. It’s fucking ludicrous but at the same time fascinating and a little frightening, especially when you consider nut jobs like Alex Jones (who has an audience of millions) and respected author Alice Walker (The Colour Purple) both support Icke. He might come off as a Looney Tune, but Icke’s been accused of spruiking anti-Semitic theories and being a holocaust denier, so the quicker he’s silenced the better.

Denver Airport

One of the busiest airports in the States has been shrouded in mystery since opening 25 years ago. The Denver airport is purported to contain Nazi imagery and artwork predicting the end of the world and was built by the New World Order with help from the Nazis as some kind of concentration camp. Others believe it’s the headquarters of the Illuminati and contains a massive underground tunnel system home to the lizard people David Icke loves so much. Then there are those who are sure the airport was built as a cover for a ginormous underground bunker where the government and secret societies meet to plot the world’s demise. The conspiracy theories have become so prevalent the airport itself has embraced them, incorporating them in advertising campaigns and addressing the wild stories on their website.

The Volcano Underneath Yellowstone

Mother Nature is a remarkable force responsible for hundreds of incredible creations, including the supervolcano underneath Yellowstone National Park. The active volcano is a naturally occurring reservoir of hot magma that controls the park’s famous geysers and hot springs. While scientists have repeatedly declared the area safe, it hasn’t stopped science experts on Reddit from voicing their opinions. There are dozens of threads were average American’s claim the volcano is, in fact, close to erupting but the government is keeping it hush-hush. Why would they keep mum when an eruption would wipe out thousands of humans lives and cloak the sky in ash? According to Reddit user u/oct29th1929, it’s easier for the government to ‘handle a smaller size of survivors’ than try and co-ordinate a plan to relocate the thousands of people living in the vicinity. Makes complete sense to me…

The Joplin Tornado Was Created By The Military

The town of Joplin, Missouri, was hit with a devastating tornado in 2011 that levelled the town and killed 161 people. Winds reached an incredible 322 km/h and tore the Joplin apart, resulting in US$3.8 billion in damages, making it the costliest tornado in history. The destruction caused by the tornado led many to believe it was not a natural disaster, but one created by the government. These people believe the US military facility in Alaska, known as the High-Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP), was behind the tornado. The facility is used to study how radio waves react in the upper atmosphere, but conspiracy theorists think it’s a doomsday device and the next atomic bomb ready to be unleashed on anyone who threatens America’s freedom. Despite experts refuting this theory, people still think it’s true, just like everything else they read on the Internet.

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