The Good News

This morning, I was cobbling together some internet words about things I don’t like (men who refuse to wear shorts over their running tights, Alysa Milano making it about herself, Cats the movie, etc.), when I thought, ‘Gosh, it’s easy to be cynical and mean-spirited—but is it making me happy?’ Sure, there’s a moment of gratification after you’ve pointed your finger and cast your judgment, but it’s a fleeting joy and one that quickly gives way to even more self-loathing. So, why not write about the good things that have been happening? Why not make a nice cup of tea and cover some positive stuff? That’s better than being a poisonous little curmudgeon bastard. Here’s some good news.

Margot Robbie Had Sex on a Motionless Jet-ski: In a recent interview with The Sun, Margot Robbie confessed that she once had sex on a jet-ski. ‘A non-moving jet-ski, but in the water,’ she said. This killed me because a) who does it on a jet-ski? And b) what scenario lead to her having sex on a jet-ski? I’m assuming her suitor did not speed them out to the horizon, kill the engine, and pour champagne as the sun set. She’s from the Gold Coast, so it probably would’ve been more of an ‘Oi, wanna root on me jet-ski?’ situation.

The Sydney Dog Lover’s Show: The interviews I did at Splendour in the Grass were a lot of fun, so Tom the cameraman and I decided to take Priest to Meet You to The Sydney Dog Lover’s Show over the weekend and meet some of the lovely dogs and people who love them. I had so much fun and pat so many dogs, I nearly forgot to be a half-pissed jerk-off with a microphone. Tom’s cutting the vid together now. Stay tuned…

A Couple of Gay Blokes Did Their Engagement Photos in Target: Gays Aaron Damron and Tony DiPasqua had their engagement pictures taken at their local Target store. If a straight couple did this, I’d be rolling my eyes hard enough induce a seizure, but when a couple of bears rent Target out for their engagement photos because they ‘love to shop, [and] love to just go around and look for deals and coupons,’ that makes me happy.

They Found an Avocado-Sized Lump in Donald Trump’s Head: Full disclosure—I dreamt this. But what a wonderful dream! He had days to live before the avocado-sized mass exploded and left him crumpled on the White House lawn with shit in his pants. Thank you, my subconscious!

Soy Sauce Martinis: The Northern Territory’s Berry Springs Tavern has added a soy sauce martini to its cocktail list. Excellent news. ‘Nuff said.

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