6 Bands That Are Still Together But Shouldn’t Be


Sometimes, when I’m waiting for a pot of water to boil and I’m trying not to watch it, I wonder where people from the past are today.

Usually it’s just unsubtly racist guys I went to high school with, and always they are exactly where I left them. Yesterday, though, I pondered the whereabouts of nu-metal band Papa Roach. You may remember them from their 1999 suicidal hit, ‘Last Resort’. My discovery opened a real can of has-been worms, and now I must share the burden of my findings with you all.

Papa Roach

Hoo boy. Where to begin with this one? California’s Papa Roach formed back in 1993, releasing their debut album, Infest, in 2000. They catapulted to fame thanks to the hit single from that album, ‘Last Resort’. Even by early 2000’s standards, the song was shockingly bad, but Infest went triple-platinum because of it anyway. But then what happened? Contrary to popular belief, Papa Roach did not stop making music. In fact, since their debut record, they have gone on to release nine more. Their latest, Who Do You Trust? sounds eerily similar to the sound of hanging on to relevance by the skin of your dentures.

Backstreet Boys

Before you get your boyband loving boxers in a twist, I too was a huge fan of the Florida fivesome back in their heyday. The Backstreet Boys were a hit factory from about 1997 into the early 2000’s, but then they kind of fell into obscurity when their manufactured brand of pop went out of style. In 2005 they released an album titled Never Gone—which honestly sounds like a threat to me—and they’ve kept their promise ever since. On January 23 of this year, they released their tenth album, DNA, featuring this standout example of what happens when men in their 40’s refuse to accept the natural order of things. The profound lyrics ‘Is it love? Is it fate? Who am I? Who’s to say? Don’t know exactly what it means’ sum things up pretty well.

Sugar Ray 

Okay, so this isn’t new music, but it is a taste of what’s to come. Just this week, Mark McGrath (better known as Sugar Ray) announced that he will be releasing his first album in ten years. While digesting this news, it might be worth noting that his last album (released in 2009) was called Music for Cougars. I know, it’s too sad to linger on. The news comes a few months after the 51-year-old revealed that he’s going deaf, so you know you’re in for a real treat. There’s no word on what the record will be called or what it’ll sound like, but McGrath told Rolling Stone that ‘I’m Sugar Ray no matter what happens’, so make of that what you will.

Limp Bizkit

Look, I’m sorry. But this is what I meant when I said I couldn’t carry the burden of my research alone. Apparently since 2012, Fred Durstbag and his cronies have been working on an album titled Stampede of the Disco Elephants. The noise pollution that is ‘Lightz’ is the first single from the still unreleased album, and it seems despite the fact that it’s 2019, the band still get a kick out of replacing the letter ‘s’ with the letter ‘z’.

Prophets of Rage

Can we all just stop for a second and imagine the look on Zack de la Rocha’s face when he heard this song for the first time? Yikes. Formed in 2016, ‘Prophets of Rage’ consists of three members of Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave, two members of Public Enemy, and rapper B-Real of Cypress. Now, on the count of three, everybody say, ‘Cash Grab!’

Weezer

I know, I know, unpopular opinion. Everybody loves ‘Buddy Holly’, but a lot has happened since its release 26 years ago. By no means am I suggesting that you have to stop making music once you get to a certain age, but why can’t male rockstars ever just age gracefully? Why not make music that feels genuine to your sound, instead of what feels like something your 10-year-old granddaughter would dab too? Also, did anyone catch their Coachella performance when they covered ‘No Scrubs’ with Chilli from TLC? Say it ain’t so.

Paul McCartney – Fuh You

Okay, this isn’t a band and also Paul McCartney can do whatever he wants but I feel compelled to leave this here because what the fuh? Last year, McCartney released his 17th solo record, Egypt Station and somehow this track made the cut. I tripled checked, and it’s not a parody. Now I too long for yesterday.

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter