Last New Year’s Eve I ate a couple of mushroom caps and took a stroll out into the wide and wild Aussie bushland.
It was a beautiful and clear night, the Milky Way illuminating the entire escarpment under which I walked. Coming to a clearing I paused and for an unspecified period of time, stared up into the universe with much wonderment. Then, with neither thought nor warning, I yelled into the sky ‘HEY! WHAT’S MY PROBLEM?’ A voice answered right back, ‘YOU PROCRASTINATE TOO MUCH!’ ‘IS THAT IT?’ I asked. ‘IS THAT EVERYTHING?’ The voice answered again, ‘YES. THAT’S IT.’ For one moment, it all made sense. I felt that if I could somehow stop putting off everything for later my troubles would certainly dissipate to nil. And then I realised the voice talking to me from the sky was my own, and also, that I had no idea where I was. With no desire to take advice from a tweaked out mushie head lost in the scrub on New Year’s Eve, I chose to ignore myself, which is why Heaps Surfy Radness is two days late this week. You’re welcome.
Guess what? Jack Robinson won the Volcom Pipe Pro this week.
We all know child stars have it tough and very few of ’em manage pre-pube global reco and riches without turning into first class douchebags later in life. One exception is Corey Feldman, who after starring in films such as The Goonies, Stand By Me and Lost Boys, bypassed the pitfalls of early fame to deliver the performance of his lifetime on the Today Show back in 2016. Another young man set to fulfil his high profile, prodigious talent is Western Australian Jack Robinson, who this week took out the Volcom Pipe Pro in Hawaii. Robbo has been considered one of top three tuberiders in the world since he was 10 years old, but despite his heroics in gigantic coning swells, he’s struggled to make headway on the mostly small wave World Qualifying Series. This win not only cements his status as a Pipeline specialist, it also provides a perfect springboard for the 2019 Kewie season. My prediction is both he and Sunshine Coaster Reef Heazlewood (who also made the final of the VPP with incredible grit in the pit and flare on the end section ramps) will both be in the big game come 2020. And that should be worrying news for the rest of the top 32, especially at Teahupoo, North Point and the season-ending Masters at the Pipeline.
Mick Fanning signs with Rip Curl for the next 10 years
Mick Fanning, a man who once appeared on the cover of Elle magazine with hard nipples sticking out for all the world to see, announced this week that he’d put pen to paper on a multi-million dollar 10-year contact with his longtime sponno Rip Curl. The deal is the first of its kind in Surfyland, and extends upon a partnership that first began in 1998, yielded three world titles, 22 elite level victories and millions of funnels in the far reaches of the globe on countless RC Search expeditions (including one that I went on last year). During that trip, Mick and I shared a tent and he generously allowed me to be little spoon, which everyone knows is the comfiest spoon, as it makes you feel extra safe and warm. Here’s the little movie I made of our holiday together.
Taj Burrow is Getting Married
As you read this, the biggest wedding of the year is taking place with heaps surfy hero Taj Burrow and his lovely fiancé Rebecca Jobson tying the balloon knot in Teeb’s home town of Yallingup, Western Australia. Though surfy gossip is not usually my deal, I can report that a who’s who of the surfy and celeb worlds are in attendance, including Barack and Michelle Obama, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Anna Wintour, as well as the Grammy award nominated Aussie DJ Paul Fisher. Stay tuned for a full feature on all the goings on in a future issue of Vanity Fair, or right here in HSR. True Love!
Ain’t That Swell Tour!
That’s right, I’m using my column to inform you that the podcast I do with Jed ‘Smivvy’ Smith (in which we swear heaps about surfy stuff), has a bunch of live shows coming up throughout late March and most of April. We’re calling it UP THE SWELLIANS TOUR and if you like watching semi-drunk surf journos talk to elite wave sliders about cone zones, corn dragging, full rotors, Avoca Jesus, finger buns and a whole lot more, then you should totally come. Special guests will include Joel Parkinson, Creed McTaggart, Surfcore2001, Bob ‘THE GMOAT’ Bain, Ryan Callinan, and more. Ozzie Wrong drew our tour poster which is also Heaps Surfy and Radness! Dates below…
UP THE SWELLIANS TOUR
Thursday March 28 @ The Wicko, Newcastle, NSW
Saturday April 6 @ Billabong Backyard Party, Kirra Surf, QLD
Friday April 24 @ Aquiva Surf Festival, TAS