You know which number never gets a look-in when people do listicles? Four.
When was the last time you read The Four Greatest STD’s of All-Time, or Four Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Cut Your Pubic Hair with a Live Piranha? Four is always overlooked by way trendier numbers like 5 and 10 and that God-awful fuckwit 23 (thank you Michael Jordan for nothing). Anyway, I’ve had enough, and I’m not gonna sit around at dinner parties whining to people who couldn’t care less about it anymore. This week I’m gonna give four its long overdue moment in the sun. So please, be upstanding, and cheer most loudly for…
Number Four: Australia Votes for Surfys in Hottest 100
Sheezuz! First chance I get to celebrate the number four and it’s instantly upstaged by the number 100! Boooooo Triple J! Anyway, the results of Australia’s annual national poll of fave songs from the past 12 months are released this weekend and according to my supremely nerdy surfy friend Mike Jennings there’s a damn good chance a surfy dude or dudette will take out the whole thing! Skegss, Hockey Dad, Ocean Alley, Ruby Fields, Ziggy Alberts, Jack River, Parcels, and Fisher (the DJ once famous for interviewing Kelly Slater with a giant plastic penis instead of a microphone) are just some of the porpoise people looking good for top 10 placings. Non-surfy dude Childish Gambino seems to be the only international star capable of playing spoiler to our boardshort-chaffed local heroes. If a surfy does win, it will be long overdue validation for every waxhead whoever pulled out an acoustic guitar at a campfire to sing a few Jack Johnson songs. What a nightmare. Vote one This is America. Only joking, voting closed ages ago. Four rules!
Number 4 again: Ozzie Wrong and the Goons of Doom Release “Goth Moth” Single
Speaking of surfy toons, Ozzie Wrong and those merry pranksters the Goons of Doom (of which I am an unbiased member) released one of the greatest singles to ever be released in human history this week, from their un-acclaimed upcoming album, Black Skull Bong. ‘It’s called “Goth Moth”, and it’s a double A-side with another song called “Vincent Van Goth”,’ explained Oz. ‘”Goth Moth” is basically just a song about a girl with four arms and four tits who has a chainsaw that will cut you to bits. She likes the odd 69er, and she’s got tattoos on her vagina,’ he added matter-o-factly. The best thing about “Goth Moth” is that it’s the fourth song on the album and as we all know, four is kicking yo daddy’s ass this week.
Also, Number four: Acetone, a new broadsheet surf mag, appeared out of nowhere
Surfy dude extraordinaire Andrew Kidman has been smashing the can-do juice of late with (count ’em) FOUR huge projects released or about to be released. He’s just returned from a tour of America with Ellis Ericson, showcasing On the Edge of a Dream, a ‘Surf Movie of the Year’ (Surfer Magazine Awards) nominated film in which the two shape and surf radical new board designs inspired by the lord of all bowlcuts, George Greenough (Kidman filmed, edited and scored the film, and took the photos, and wrote and self-published the accompanying book). He’s also about to release Beyond Litmus, a profile film (and book) on friction-free revolutionary Derek Hynd, which also looks into the lasting and undeniable influence of Kidman and Jon Frank’s 1996 masterpiece Litmus. In addition to all of this, Kidman has teamed up with New York-based Aussie journalist Sam Rhodes to co-edit and publish a new broadsheet surf mag called Acetone, which covers stories from the just mentioned projects, has illos by Barry McGee, and a crossword by Surfcore 2001. Fuck me! There is absolutely no doubt I am completely wasting my life. Finally, the number four just dropped a fat beat in tha club and errbody is jumpin’ jumpin’.
Finally, Number 4: Sydney Artist Rad Dan is having an exhibition this weekend at The Slow in Bali
If you’re in Bali this Saturday, make sure you get over to The Slow on Batu Balong, Canggu, for the first international solo show of Sydney artists and disc jockey Rad Dan. Radness has never been to Bali, so you might be lucky enough to catch him wandering around a rice paddy in the nude after downing his first mushie smoothie. I figured I’d chat with him before he bailed.
VD: First trip to Bali I hear. Let me ask you, how good is the number four?
RD: I must be one of the 2% of Australians who haven’t been there. I’m gonna get off the plane and go straight to the first shop that sells double pluggers and Bintang singlets and get my uniform happening. Four is amazing.
Tell us about the show you’ll be putting on? And then tell me why four makes you want to put your finger in your mouth and wink suggestively at strangers.
The current works are basically about how fast the whole world is going, in a certain direction, which is straight down the hole, and how we reward ourselves for it. The last show touched on that, but this one goes into it a lot more. I use a lot of V8 racing imagery and iconography as an example of that; high-speed fossil fuel gobbling machines, huge corporate logos, burning rubber and roaring engines going super-fast, all sponsored by corporate giants. I don’t know if four actually makes me want to put my finger in my mouth. In my nose, though, for sure.
You use a lot of pop culture motifs and logos in your paintings and sculptures. Why not the number four?
I use a lot of typography which comes from my graphic design background and, in terms of pop culture, I’ve always loved how design and logos and art infiltrate your life in ways that you kinda don’t even notice. It’s stealthy and insidious. You don’t even realise it’s there. So, I like to incorporate those things into my work and make a point of bringing them to [the viewer’s] attention. There’s a lot of that in this show, but also the rewards we seek to add the contrast, which, in this case, is slowing down and spending. Everyone wants more time to drink cocktails. I have used the number four and I will do so again.
Did you know four is exactly how many kilos of weed Schappelle Corby carried into Bali in her bodyboard bag? How cool is that!
Yeah that’s amazing. Four really is a great number.