Benny Howard by John Respondek

Craig Anderson Interviews Former Recruit, Benny Howard


Interview by Craig Anderson

Benny Howard is a new member of the Former surf team, and he is very talented at surfing.

His teammate, Craig Anderson, is also good at surfing and, as it turns out, he’s not bad at conducting interviews, either. He’s definitely not great at doing interviews, but he’s not bad. Would we trust him to interview, say, Rihanna? Absolutely not. He’d fuck it for sure. But we trusted Ando to interview Benny because it’s Benny, and Benny can’t afford lawyers yet. Meet Benny. Benny Howard.

Monster Children hit me up to do a little interview with you for Dane’s issue. I wrote down a couple of questions, so just fucking spit-ball whatever you want. I’ve never really done this before so I don’t think it’s going to work out, but who knows?

Who knows? Let’s give it a shot.

What’s your full name on your passport?

Benjamin Albert Howard.

Fuck. That’s pretty insane.

It’s pretty fucked.

It’s better than Craig Rodney Anderson. Real heavy.

I’d rather be called Benjamin than Ben. Every man and his dog is named Ben.

Yeah, Benjamin is pretty sick. What did you do last weekend?

I had a party at mum and dad’s. Just 20 of my friends.

Nice. I asked you the other day what beer you drink, and you said ‘Tooheys New coz I lift ‘em off my dad’?

Yeah, that was legit. [Laughs] He’s been getting the Coopers green lately, though, so I’ve been hitting them.

Yeah, the Coopers green tins are what I’ve been on lately, too. And they’re 14 dollars at the bottle-o near my house.

Fuck, that’s so good.

Have you been hitting any bongs up in Port [Macquarie]?

I had one last night.

[Laughs] Fuck off. That’s big.

Yeah, I had one and it fuckin’ wigged me out. I had like, five beers and I had (a bong), and it made me feel so maggot.

Atta boy. Bongs are pretty heavy. There’s a big bong scene in Port though, huh?

Yeah, mad bongs ‘round here.

What would you rather: One round with Damian King or walk home from Sydney airport?

[Laughs] I’d walk. Damian would fuckin’ punch my head in.

I’d do that too. How old are you?

21.

Port seems like a pretty square zone. Have people been mean to you for what you wear?

Yeah fuck, every single time I go out on a Saturday night I get so ripped into.

Same vibe in Newcastle.

Just like, ‘Oh you’re a pussy, why’d you cut your jeans?’

There we go, perfect. Have you ever punched someone, or have they ever clocked you?

Nah, not since year six.

Yeah, you’re too nice for that I reckon. Are there any waves you wanna surf?

South Aus.

What’s up with that slob late spin reverse that fuckin’ blasted the internet a couple of weeks ago? When I asked you about it the other day, you said you were hungover.

Yeah, we went to Newcastle to party and then Surfest was on, so Dan Scott was there filming some guys, and then I just went out and full fluked it. I didn’t mean to do it.

Out of all the Former fuckboys, if you had to guess who’d be the last man standing on a big night out, do you think it’d be Grady, Warren, Dane, Austyn, Jake, Shacker or Campbell?

I feel like it’d be Warren. He looks like he can party.

Ok, there we go. Favourite band of all time?

I really like Radiohead at the moment.

Alright, dude, I wrote some other ones but they sound so fucking lame. I probably should ask you about Former, but I don’t know what to fucking ask. Anyway, too easy, Benny. Talk to you later.

Yeah, speak to you soon.

Want more from the Dane Reynolds Guest Editor issue? Cough up a few bucks and it could be yours, here.

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter