We Accidentally Ripped Off 2 of Our Readers for Half a Decade


We ripped off Ryan Hayes and Kurtis Schureman.

They’re two fellows from the state of California and we ripped them off good. Not deliberately, you understand. We just had a little accident where they paid for goods and never received them. Then they paid for more goods that never materialised. Then some more goods. Then even more. They went on paying for goods and not receiving goods for several years. In this way, Ryan and Kurtis are something of a curiosity, and that’s why we put them on a group text (they don’t know each other) and asked what went wrong and how they feel about paying lots of money to us for nothing in return. For years.

Meet Kurtis Schureman and Ryan Hayes

Hello Ryan and Kurtis, the two dudes who got ripped off by MC. This is Jason. I’ll be conducting the interview about what happened.

Kurtis: Hey Jason, what’s up man? What’s up, Ryan! Got swindled too? Ha-ha!

Ryan: Ha-ha. What up, y’all. Glad to know my pain and suffering had a partner.

You’ve both suffered an enormous injustice. Who’d like to share first?

Ryan: Short story long. I’ve been a paying fan of Monster Children for almost a decade. Somewhere around the halfway mark in our relationship, MC decided that to truly enhance our agreement, they’d completely shut off all shipments. Thankfully they kept billing, so the insult to injury was tough to swallow. MC reached out not too long ago and in their own special way, essentially performed hara-kiri by email, admitting they fucked up. Problem was, I never noticed because apparently a massive amount of money billed on a yearly basis without getting my product is the price of an MC subscription.

So, you continued paying an annual subscription for five years without seeing a single issue in the mail?

Ryan: Yup. Precisely that.

What’s your story, Kurtis?

Kurtis: Oh man, well I started my subscription back in 2010 after being introduced to it by my buddy, Darren. Monster Children undeniably had (and still has) the most progressive and confident type and layouts of any other mag. And of course, that editorial is on another level. I soon came to the realisation that the MC design team is setting the bar too high for your shipping and receiving dept. because about two years in, after not receiving a Kevin Lyons shirt I ordered, the magazines stopped coming. I wrote a few emails about my subscription being renewed, even got some friendly emails back with confirmations that my cash was happily accepted! Ha-ha! But then no dice. Then I moved once or twice and just figured that my subscription ran out or that I overlooked something. I did win an MC hat at some point though… so that’s a plus.

Ryan: But did you receive said hat?

Kurtis: Ha-ha. I did. Still have it too! But yeah, I suppose the novel-style emails that MC sends out were keeping me occupied enough to forget about the missing mags.

Ryan: Definitely. I’m a designer, so I’ve always really appreciated the layouts, typography, and overall creative vision MC has deployed throughout the years.

Kurtis: Same here dude! I teach up at ArtCenter on the side, and always use MC as reference to show the students examples of adventurous layouts and graphics. Anyway, what now, Crom?

Ryan: We get boxes of free shit… any day now…

Kurtis: Ha-ha. Super exciting. I got a big box of magazines, and a shirt that had an ink smudge on the back…

The LA office has sent out all the issues you missed out on, right?

Kurtis: Correct. All issues are accounted for.

Ryan: He said he did—but I haven’t gotten anything yet.

I’m sure they’re in the post… So, what lesson have you learned from this experience? (The rip-off, not the interview)

Kurtis: Don’t trust things just ’cause they are shiny.

Ryan: What he said. Check your PayPal statements more often!

Additional info:

Kurtis’ thing: marrowcalifornia.com

Ryan’s thing: bubsnaturals.com

If this interview hasn’t put you off, you should go and get a subscription to Monster Children here… sucker.

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