Sydney’s Jack Paterson is a Skateboarder You Should Know


Photos by Cameron Markin

Between nicknames and misspellings, Sydney skater Jack Paterson’s had more identities than Liam Neeson has had high pursuit chases.

Anyone who’s ever had the pleasure of watching him toy with a skateboard knows exactly who he is—an incredibly gifted, creative, smart-arse of a human being. To get further acquainted with the once alto saxophone-playing grammar school student, now motorbike enthusiast and hill bombing maniac, we delved deep into the mind of the one and only Jack Paterson (or is it Patterson?) via the Proust questionnaire.

What is your greatest fear?

Landing primo.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My extreme good looks.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

If someone can beat me in skate I do not like them.

Which living person do you most admire?

Trippie Redd.

What is your greatest extravagance?

I’ve spent a lot of money on tattoos.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My lack of those big muscles on your neck above your shoulders, the ones big workout cunts have.

Which living person do you most despise?

Taylor Swift.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Their tre flip steeze.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Their switch tre flip steeze.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

‘Oh true.’

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Trippie Redd.

When and where were you happiest?

In Japan.

Which talent would you most like to have?

It’d be sick to be able to sing hell well.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Be able to switch back tail.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Going a whole year without losing a game of skate.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Trippie Redd.

Where would you most like to live?

Hawaii but with China skate spots.

What is your most treasured possession?

My iPad.

What is your favourite occupation?

Skater.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Insanity.

What do you most value in your friends?

Their spin.

Who are your favourite writers?

Bhad Bhabie’s writers.

Who is your hero of fiction?

Garfield.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

L. Ron Hubbard.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Bobby Dekeyzer, Eric Andre and Steve-O.

What is it that you most dislike?

Not landing every trick every shot.

What is your greatest regret?

Doing these questions because I’m a dumb cunt with no answers.

How would you like to die?

Glock in one hand, shlord in the other bombing the biggest hill in the world.

What is your motto?

Everything smells weird, get used to it.

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter