Schools are Getting Rid of Analogue Clocks Because Kids Can’t Read Them

Every morning, we awake to a bright, fresh new day, where anything is possible.

The darkness of night is behind us, and dawn brings with it newfangled hope. Then, we open Instagram and that hope evades us, like Melania’s hand on national television.

Just this morning on my screen, I discovered an intellectual lightweight going by the name of 6ix9ine sporting rainbow hair and matching grills that make decipherable speech impossible. I saw roughly 200 Kardashians, all indistinguishable from one another (except for Khloe, for obvious reasons). Also, everyone is drinking a tea that makes you shit your dinner out in time for dessert.

Trying to switch gears and quell my blues, I began reading the news. And what’s the first thing that I read? Highschools in the UK are swapping out analogue clocks for digital ones because kids don’t know how to read the time anymore.

Damn. I wonder where a good place to teach them would be?

A teacher’s union in the UK said the move is taking place after a number of students complained that they could not read the correct time in exam halls and consequently didn’t know how much time they had left. (Hopefully not too long, one might object.) The Telegraph even cited a former headmaster, Mr Trobe, as saying schools are trying to make everything “as easy and straightforward as possible” for pupils during their exams, and that having a traditional clock in the room could be a cause of unnecessary stress.

Know what is more stressful? Having your future shaped by a bunch of lazy halfwits who would rather literally throw the problem in the garbage than try to solve it. I thought at least the problem was contained within Britain, who voted to cut themselves off from civilisation anyway, but a quick scroll through a Reddit discussion on the issue reveals the problem has spread. One user from the US commented, “In HS right now. I’ve been able to use an analog clock for as long as I remember, but the kid next to me in Trig hasn’t bothered to look it up in 16 years of life,” while a teacher in Canada confirmed “I teach 13-year-olds, and many of them actually have a really hard time telling the time on them.”

The sun is setting on another day. Maybe tomorrow I just won’t turn my phone on.

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