How to Make a Midori Illusion, With Jake Smyth

There are no cocktails that could be truly considered an ‘Australian cocktail’.

Except, of course, the Great Midori Illusion. For the uninitiated, it’s a diabetes-inducing cocktail that could also be the name of the first and only stripper you got a nervous lap dance from on the Goldy at the tender age of 18—a true rite of passage beverage.

We knew there was only one man for the job: Jake Smyth. So far we’ve convinced the timid wallflower to make us Bloody Mary’s for our dirty hangovers, blend fruity daiquiris in a freezing pool in the middle of winter with no electrocution safeguards, and now, this.

Jake thinks a Midori Illusion is a “terrible drink”, and we think Jake’s suggestion he drink it out of his two-year-old leather Blundstone shoes was a “terrible idea”. So we forged ahead. The reasoning behind Jake’s suggestion for turning this classic cocktail into a shoey* is quite simple. Give the kids what they want: “You’d be more likely to drink Midori in the Shire, and you’re more likely to listen to the Dune Rats if you live in the Shire. And you’re more likely to drink your drinks out of a fucking shoe if you like in the Shire.”



45 mL of Midori

15 mL of vodka

15mL of lemon juice

45mL of pineapple

15mL of Cointreau (or a Triple Sec of your choice)


1. Combine ingredients into shoe of your choice.

2. Add ice and shake vigorously.

3. Extend pinky, sip.

*Monster Children cannot be held liable for any form of tinea contracted during the drinking of this drink.

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