Season 10 of Curb Your Enthusiasm is out on HBO, and if you don’t have access to HBO, you ain’t watching Season 10 of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
If you want to be a criminal, you can probably stream it somewhere online (let me know), or you can be a good citizen and just scroll through what I think are the seven best Curb moments in the history of the show. There’s definitely a bunch of equally hilarious stuff I’ve left out (like the episode with the penis cake, or when Michael J. Fox shakes up Larry’s soda can with his Parkinson’s, or when Larry pretends to be disabled so he can maintain control of the office thermostat, or when Leon advises Larry on what he should do the next time someone calls him ‘Jew Boy’), but there’s not enough room, so here are seven bits that never fail to kill me.
The One with Greg – I’m not going to list this in any sort of preferential order, but the episode with Greg is easily my number one favourite. The writing is hilarious, and Greg (played by the fabulous Edward Schweighardt) is brilliant. The episode aired back in 2011… I wonder what Greg looks like now…
You’re Just Too Good to Be True – Larry shuts down Jeff and Suzy’s daughter, Sammy, while she’s singing her anniversary gift to Ted Danson and his wife, Mary. Later in the episode, Suzy accuses Larry of ‘squashing the spirit of a talented young girl’ when he tells Sammy to ‘shut the fuck up’ a second time.
Ejaculate – The episode where Larry discovers mystery semen on his bedspread and asks Leon about it. Everything Leon (J.B. Smoove) says is hilarious, but when he suggests that what Larry has found might be ‘Gravys maybe? Something from the gravy category?’ I wet my pants.
The One Where Marty Tells the Joke – Marty Funkhouser turns up on the set of the Seinfeld reunion and, much to Larry’s chagrin introduces himself to Jerry and then tells his most off-colour joke. Try repeating this joke to people who’ve never heard it; I guarantee you’ll never tell it anywhere near as funny as Marty does.
The One Where Jeff Sleeps with Bam Bam – Marty Funkhouser has a sister (played by the brilliant Catherine O’Hara) with a mental disorder. Her name is Bam Bam, and Jeff unfortunately accidentally has sex with her. Everything about this episode is wrong and you feel bad for laughing, but you laugh anyway, so whatever.
Bald Asshole – Larry refuses a pair of trick or treaters on the grounds that they’re too old to be trick or treating. The next day his house is covered in toilet paper and the words ‘Bald Asshole’ are spray-painted on his front door. Larry calls the police because he believes he is the victim of a hate crime, but he’s really just a bald asshole.
The Freak Book Episode – Larry attends Ted Danson’s birthday party and gives him a book called Mondo Freaks. That’s all I need to say about it, really. Watch.