The Saddest Songs of The Week

Are you in a good mood? Sure hope not, cause it’s time to turn that smile upside down.

This week was full of grief. All the usual suspects popped their heads in to say bonjour—war, famine, Eurovision. The only positives to come out of the whole seven-day shit show were these five songs, united under a shared and debilitating sense of doom. But you know what? Life is hard, love is hell, and hearts were made to be broken. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can sing along with me. So, on the count of three…

The National – ‘The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness’

When I heard the National were going electronic on their new album, I was worried. But turns out ye of little faith had nought to sweat over. Their singer, Matt Berninger, still sounds as though melancholy itself chose his voice box as its vessel to pass through to the afterlife. Which reminds me, we are all going to die. Also, how heavy is this song title? It’s a nihilist’s dream. Or nightmare, whatever they have when the Ambien finally kicks in. Speaking of sleep, that reminds me. One day we are all going to go to sleep and never wake up.

Richard Dawson – Soldier

Okay, bear with this guy for a second. He’s weird, I get it. But you know who else is weird, and no one seems to mind? Jeff Mangum from Neutral Milk Hotel. Guy sings about your father making fetuses with flesh licking ladies and he’s just a poetic genius doing his thing. Um, no. Weirdo. Anyway, this song is catchy in the weirdest way, like Meningitis. How does it get into your brain? Really though, if you close your eyes and imagine Mangum singing this here death march, it’s pretty convincing. Which reminds me, one day you’ll close your eyes and never open them again. Also, totally kidding about Mangum. Guy is a poetic genius.

Roger Waters – Déjà Vu

Look, the lyrics aren’t going to win him a Pulitzer. But I double dare you to press play on this puppy 3am the morning after your dog Butterball got put down. The sound of hopelessness is deafening. By the way, while you’re down there, let me kick you with this. You will never hear a new Pink Floyd song in your life. I’ll call the ambulance.

Anna Kova – Believe

Is this woman’s voice real? For a second, I forgot angels don’t exist. Unless you count death angels, which are very, very real. Even though the message of this song is one of hope and self-acceptance, its delivery reeks of despair. More like unbelievable, Anna. If that’s even your real name.

Babeheaven – Your Love ft. Deem Spencer

Don’t let the melodic, spacey beat of this song lull you into a false sense of security. The love you have now will one day be gone. The butterflies fluttering in your small intestine will soon turn to mush in your bowel. The flush of your cheeks when you make love will eventually mimic botulism. And once that happens, all that will be left is this bittersweet song, and a pair of odd socks that you still need to go pick up from your ex’s house.

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