Not content with the millions he made from the Fast & Furious franchise, chrome-dome action hero Vin Diesel has turned his attention to music.
At the ripe old age of 53, gravel-voiced Diesel has just released his second official single, the tropical house ear-bleeder ‘Days Are Gone.’ To be fair, it’s not completely horrible, but this type of inoffensive electro-pop should be left to the likes of Calvin Harris and Steve Aoki. And Diesel isn’t much of an actor either, so he should be thankful he even has a career in film. If he’s determined to sing though, I think performing karaoke in the privacy of his own home is where his musical endeavours need to end.
Of course, Diesel isn’t the first actor to assume the public wants to hear them sing. Hollywood is loaded with actors turned musicians who quickly found their talents don’t extend further than the big screen, and here are six of the worst.
Jeremy Renner – ‘Main Attraction’
I had a lot of faith in Jeremy Renner when he broke out with The Hurt Locker and The Town, but since then I’ve been let down by his poor choice in films. Things have gotten even worse with Renner’s foray into music. Hawkeye has dropped not one, but two albums this year, led by the brilliantly awful single ‘Main Attraction.’ Sounding suspiciously like a bad Imagine Dragons off-cut, ‘Main Attraction’ is exactly the type of bile you’d expect from someone as smarmy as Renner.
Paris Hilton – ‘Nothing In This World’
If you thought her sex tape was embarrassing, wait until you give her music a listen. Since dropping her critically panned debut in 2006, hotel heiress Paris Hilton has continued to dabble in music, releasing several poor-performing singles while embarking on a career as a celebrity DJ. Of all the songs she’s put out over the years, it doesn’t get much worse than ‘Nothing In This World.’ Not only is this a lame pop song indecipherable from most early 00s releases, but the film clip is wildly inappropriate, featuring a teenage kid creepily spying on Hilton before she gives into her urges and seductively dances around him.
Steven Seagal – ‘Girl It’s Alright’
Along with being a martial arts expert, actor and deputy sheriff, Steven Seagal is a *cough* accomplished *cough* musician. Although he’s only released two official albums, he’s contributed music to many of his straight-to-DVD films, even managing to get Stevie Wonder to feature on his mystic debut, Songs From The Crystal Lake. If you need confirmation he should stick to kicking ass on screen, give ‘Girl It’s Alright’ a whirl. A cringey country-pop ballad, ‘Girl It’s Alright’ is a cheap 90s knockoff with a dated film clip to match.
Lindsay Lohan – ‘Confession Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)’
Lindsay Lohan can’t act, so I can almost forgive her for attempting to keep her career afloat through music. After finding fame with Disney and becoming a teen idol, she released two albums in quick succession and a variety of ghastly singles including this pearler. ‘Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)’ is a laughable, cliché song about Lohan’s father who was almost killed in a car crash while driving drunk. Somehow this tune made it to number seven on the AIRA charts, confirming something I’ve always suspected: the majority of Australian’s have bad taste in music.
Bruce Willis – ‘Under The Boardwalk’
There was a time when Bruce Willis’ was the toast of Tinseltown. Everything he touched turned to gold—leading him to believe he could get away with releasing an album of soul covers. Of the songs taken from The Return Of Bruno, it’s Willis’ take on ‘Under The Boardwalk’ that will have you wanting to go Vincent van Gogh on your ears. Willis isn’t terrible, but his voice lacks range and emotion, much like his acting, making this a bland cover best left in the past.
Brie Larson – ‘She Said’
Selling a measly 4,000 copies in the States, it’s safe to say Brie Larson’s only album, Finally Out Of P.E., was a commercial flop. The record is full of teen angst and Avril Lavinge (who co-wrote one of the tracks) type alternative-pop tunes, best exemplified by lead single ‘She Said.’ This run of the mill ditty features all the hallmarks of sugary trash pop: bland instrumentation, dumb lyrics and overly manipulated vocals. In defence of Larson, she was only 16 when the album dropped, and after refusing to conform to the image her record label wanted, she quit the music biz for good and returned to acting. Wise move.