No Rona for Mona.

The Good News


Welcome to today’s Good News. How vivid have your dreams been?

It’s weird, right? I’m dreaming every night too. Last night I dreamt about ghosts. I was in a house with some friends and a ghost was moving furniture and objects around. At first, it was absolutely chilling—a rag doll sitting up by itself, kitchen draws violently jerked open—but then it was just annoying. I’d be trying to talk to someone and a plate would float up over my face. Stupid. If you’ve been having stupid dreams and would like them interpreted by a professional, I guess Google that. But if you’d like to be told what your dreams mean by a man unqualified to even drive a car—email me at editorial@monterchildren.com and I’ll put your subconscious under the microscope. Now, here’s the Good News!


Before we really get into it, here’s Chip Diamond with a positive message for everyone struggling to get a grip on what’s happening.

 

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Words of encouragement from Chip Diamond 💎 ***CHIP DIAMOND IS now bookable ON CAMEO NUMBNUTS!

A post shared by Ed Bassmaster (@edbassmaster) on

Thanks, Chip. Now, here’s a piece of Good News that snorkel-dorks are gonna love: Italian engineers are turning scuba diving masks into ventilators. With a dire shortage of ventilator masks in Italy, the 3D printer business Isinnova has begun printing 3D adapters that convert snorkelling masks into a functional C-PAP masks. Well done, Italians! That’s some Good News!

John from Portugal. The Man is doing heaps of push-ups… That’s good news, right? #10for10challenge

Curve-flatting Good News: the number of new coronavirus cases in NSW has dropped! There was a 10% drop in new infections reported in the last 24-hours. Like everyone else in NSW, state Premier Gladys Berejiklian is stoked on the drop but went on to say that further shutdowns were likely if the decline did not continue. ‘If things haven’t shifted because of the actions we took earlier in the week, and actions which I’m very pleased we took at that time, we will have to go further,’ she said without coughing.

In other Good News, a New York resident named Yaroslav Suris has sued Pornhub and other pornographic websites because he ‘cannot enjoy video content’ without closed captioning. Suris is hearing-impaired, and was unable to fully enjoy ‘Hot Step Aunt Babysits Disobedient Nephew,’ ‘Sexy Cop Gets Witness To Talk’ and other videos in October 2019 and January 2020 because of the website’s lack of closed captioning. The lawsuit alleges that Pornhub, RedTube and YouPorn are in violation of the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act. Good for you, horny deaf guy! Get that paper.

A scene from ‘Sexy Cop Gets Witness To Talk’

This isn’t Good News at all… It’s Gross News. But it’s an example of what Australian healthcare workers are having to deal with right now. Nuts.

Coronavirus nurse gets spat on by patient because “you’re going to get sick anyway” from r/iamatotalpieceofshit

Someone was kind enough to draw this for Jeff Spicoli… Good News!

And today’s final piece of Good News: People still dancing. See y’all tomorrow for more GOOD NEWS!

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