10 Things I Hate About Being a Paparazzi

Photos by Banjo McLachlan 

Photographer Banjo McLachlan possesses a hawk-like proficiency for closing in on the weird and wonderful things he comes across in everyday life.

Not only has it resulted in an enviable photographic portfolio that’s seen him exhibiting in both Australia and his adopted homeland of New York, but it’s made him really, really good at earning a crust stalking Hollywood A-listers. He knows exactly what people want to see (Hugh Jackman engaged in swordplay in Central Park) where to find them (Daniel Craig getting his mane tamed at the local barber) and how to outwit and outlast his paparazzi peers. But do you think he likes hiding out in icy New York temps for Bill Murray to stumble from a bar and take a leak on the sidewalk, or to nab Lindsay Lohan yelling at homeless people? No, he hates it, and we love that he hates it, because no one really wants to hear about how much other people love their job. We asked Banjo to let loose on all the things he hates about being a paparazzo, and here’s what he had to say for himself.

1. When people who hardly know you ask, “So, like, what’s the most you’ve ever made on a picture?” Which translates to, “So, like, how much money do you make?”

2. Automatic judgement. When people call you a stalker ’cause you photograph celebrities, then you show them your pics: “Oh you actually took these? They’re actually really nice!” WTF, nah I ripped them from Google images… of course I bloody took them.

3. When passers-by ask you, “Who you waiting for, who you waiting for ??” And they stop walking, stand in my way and get their phones out ready to snap a blurry pic (assuming their Hollywood crush will come out). Get out of my way—I don’t come into your office and start messing around, do I?

4. When drinking with friends and they start whinging, “Man this weather sucks, it’s sooo cold today.” Hang on, all you had to do was walk five minutes in the snow to the subway to get to your warm office, meanwhile I’m fuckin’ riding my pushy all day in minus temps.

5. When people think it’s all about scandals and photographing celebs looking crap. It’s actually the other way around.

6. When I’ve been working a job for four days straight with no pics, then another photographer happens to come by at the moment there’s action and jumps my job… dude please F-O.

7. Helplessly watching a parking officer write you a ticket while you’re five metres away, but you can’t do anything about it because you’re protecting your car’s identity from other photogs.

8. The Olsen Twins.

9. Celeb Instagram accounts. The selfies, the ‘check out all these free clothes I received from this label’, the ‘congrats Virgil’, ‘happy birthday Kendall!’ I’ve got to be losing tonnes of brain cells from having to look at this shit every day.

10. Days on end with no pics. No pics = no bread.

See more from Banjo on his Instagram @baanjo or website banjomclachlan.com

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter