Monster Children

Avocado Man
Posted By Jason – 09.01.2012

What happens when you haven’t seen your chick for almost three months? You pull taffy. Because of travel commitments, my woman and I haven’t seen each other in nearly 90 days. We’re like ships in the night, really, really horny ships in the night. And so I’ve been pulling taffy by the mile. Eventually though, pulling taffy is about as much fun as tasting but not swallowing your food, so I’ve stopped in favor of watching my testicles swell to the size of overripe avocados. I gave them a flick in the shower this morning and they pinged like a basketball. Actually, that reminds me of a story. This guy I met one time had two pet Dobermans and an avocado tree. When the avocados ripened, they’d fall from the tree and one of his dogs would eat them. “How can I get Satan (good Doberman name) to stop eating all my fucking avocados?” asked my friend to himself or anyone within earshot. Then one day he came upon the idea of putting paprika on the precious fruit whilst they still hung from the tree. Low and behold, Satan didn’t like paprika and went off avocados. Zeus, on the other hand, discovered a taste for them now they were spicy, and he took over where Satan left off. It’s a funny story. Unfortunately it ends with both dogs being shot and buried beneath their favorite tree. How sexy are frogwomen?