Features / News
Posted by - 15.02.2013

10 things I hate – About taking a shit.


Vaughan knows a thing or two about the pit falls of laying cable, just read a few of his ‘Lips’ departments in MC and you’ll soon learn of his utter disgust of the turd. It’s Friday we just sent issue 38 off to the printers, then this drops into our inbox. Enjoy.

10 Things I hate about taking a Shit – By Vaughan Dead

10. Wiping my arse.

09. Wiping my arse when it’s wet and getting those fucking paper dandruff balls all stuck up in my arse hair.

08. Doing a really stinky shit in the office shitter and then seeing the pretty girl in the office walk in after me and say out loud “OH MY GOD!”

07. Doing a shit so big it splashes piss water onto my arsehole and then when I wipe my wet arse I get those fucking paper dandruff balls all stuck up in my arse hair.

06. Shitting so hard I start to sweat.

05. Scrubbing bowl art off the S bends with a goddamn fucking toilet brush that then gets all my shit stuck in its bristles.

04. Having to cut a bath or shower in half to take a shit and sliding around on the shitter seat like a goddamn hockey puck.

03. Shitting in a public shitter and having to listen to dudes fart while they piss.

02. Doing a shit so long and dry the fucking thing won’t flush and so I have to break into pieces with the toilet brush which then gets my shit all stuck up in it’s bristles.

01. Rushing a shit so that after I’ve wiped my arse and pulled up my pants and flushed the shitter and washed my hands I still need to take a shit.