In this age of increased globalisation, Australians have pretty much spread our disease across the world.
So we thought for this installment of 10 Things I Hate, we’d tap into the life of an Aussie expat living overseas. Ronnie Flynn’s a longtime friend of MC, and longtime New York resident, and the perfect man for the job of spouting hatred. Co-owner of hip new(ish) Chinatown spot The Flower Shop, here’s 10 of the things that really give Ronnie the shits about being an Aussie in NYC.
1. Fake American accents. Unless you lived here for 100 years you’re full of shit, you don’t sound like Elle Macpherson, you’re just a fucking idiot.
2. This goes both ways. If you’re American, please don’t show me your Aussie accent. Even if it’s really good it’s still shit and I don’t really care.
3. Wankers. Big men on campus who roll into NYC swinging their little dicks thinking they’re hot shit because they own a chain of phone shops in Alexandria, or some chick who thinks everyone in the room knows who she thinks she is because her photo was in The Daily Telegraph’s ‘Sunday social section’. Welcome to the rest of the world, now get back to work.
4. Dumb cunts who think it’s a good idea to wear their Havaiana thongs in the city in the middle of summer. Especially with long pants. Walking around wearing hot rank soot covered sweaty mud clogs thinking you look cool. Nope, you’re just a kook with shit on your bare feet.
5. The whole Sydney vs Melbourne thing. “So where you from in Oz?”, “Sydney…” “Oooooh, I’m from Melbourne… ” So what? We’re both Australian and guess what? New York doesn’t care. The only reason you think we’re rivals is because you’re from Melbourne and everyone knows that Sydney’s better.
6. Avocado toast. If you think that’s some kind of national treasure you’re an embarrassment. Bananas in Pyjamas are more important.
7. Insta Mates. Just because you’re Australian, unless we just won a drinking contest together or are about to get rolled by a pack of Frenchmen who think we’re “with the Americans”, we are not best mates and I’m not gonna get you a job or an apartment.
8. Imperial vs Metric. This isn’t really about Aussies. I just fucking hate the imperial system in the USA. Stubborn pricks.
9. Social circle jerks. Add some flavour to your social milkshake! I swear I know groups of Australians that lived here for years and are still drinking vanilla. Get to know the locals, expand your friendship horizons, taste the rainbow.
10. No I don’t have a number for “a guy”. Fuck off!