I’m getting Lasik eye surgery this week, and the doctor said I can’t look at the computer screen for at least three days post-procedure.
Seriously, what am I going to do? I love the internet. I really do. And it’s because of people like this guy, from Downtown LA, who had just returned from grocery shopping one fateful summer’s day back in June when a friend called and invited him to a party. A party that he wasn’t actually invited to. But that wasn’t gonna stop him from getting in. Armed with his grocery receipt, a staple, and a shit ton of determination, he made his way past the bouncer, and left with the best photo he’ll ever take.
I seriously love this story. Here he is, breaking it down for us, the day after his post on the subject catapulted him to front page Reddit fame. If you ever see this guy out, buy him a drink.
“Okay, so it was a few months back, but all I remember was feeling like total shit, and as lame as it sounds, I had spent the entire week passing out flyers for some shitty Weed app. I must have just gotten paid because I live across the street from Ralph’s (the store from which the receipt came) and I rarely have enough money to buy enough tofu, veggies, beer and peanut butter to generate a receipt long enough to wrap around my wrist, and I obviously had more than 15 items because if I go through self-check out I never grab the receipt, ya feel me.
So, I’m almost home and my homie Andrew Meredith (owner of Less Than Local Skate co) says he is at a Volcom party, out of +1’s, but I should still try and come through because it’s by my house and there was free pizza & beer. So middle-school-me was pumped to go to a Volcom party and now-me was pumped on free pizzanista and beer.
I get there, peep the scene, it’s bumpin, looks like a good time. Live music and neon lights, y’know? Huge line and a million bouncers (more like 6) I was like ‘Fuck, no way am I getting in’ but then I was like, ‘Oh well, who cares, I’m tired and don’t really care.’ So I call Andrew to tell him I’m just going to bounce, but he has been my bud for over 10 years so he knows how to get me worked up. So I hang up the phone and now all I can think about is how fun it is to sneak in to places and what a rush it can be even if it’s low steaks.
I go back to my car—actually, I was now so hyped on the idea of sneaking in—that I skipped back to my car. People don’t skip enough—it is so efficient, great for cheerful, low energy speed. Anyway, it takes me like 10 minutes to get the thing to fucking work, it rips at one point, then I have to pull a staple out of a pack of papers to hold it all together. I was in it to win it at this point, for the first time all day I was using my brain instead of just telling people to download an app.
I skip back to the front of the party and I start to sweat balls for some reason, I really could care less about this party but for some reason I felt so much pressure and I remember thinking to myself, ‘If you’re ever going to make it in the world you gotta be able to play it cool and act like you know what you’re doing.’ So that’s what I did. Did a little 3, 2, 1 and walked in by the bathroom line like I had just used the bathrooms located just outside the party, waving my arm with the receipt wildly so it was out of focus and made sure to make eye contact with the guards so they couldn’t look at my wrist, and I was in! I was over the moon excited. But that’s about as good as it got. Andrew was the only person I knew there and he left like 15 minutes after I got in.
I felt really lame waiting in line by myself to get that solo pic at a big party. Like, the average amount of people for a picture was about 5 and then I go up alone doing devil horns with a receipt around my wrist, hahaha. I am super socially awkward so I spend most parties where I don’t know anyone looking at my shoes. But not this night! I was bragging about how I snuck in and it kind of made me seem more fun and exciting, and I rode that wave for the 45 minutes I was there.”
Legend score: 10/10