LOL! LMAO! YOLO! Do you even know how fucking stupid you sound? We had a name for shit like ‘Abbrevs’ when I was a boy: Gay. But you can’t say something’s ‘gay’ anymore because you kids have been wrapped in cotton wool since infancy and everything offends you, everything, that is, besides your gay-ass abbreviated lingo. Yolo. What the fuck is that? Are you even thinking when you write that crap on your pencil case? When I was a kid we drew swastikas on our pencil cases. Guess what? That’s offensive now, too. Jesus wept. Welcome to The Ain’t No Spring Chicken Record Review. My name is Jason and shut up.
This week I’m going to turn you soft-handed little angels on to a record that will change your life– Dusk by The The.
Timeless, transcendent and perfect are all words I just wrote at the start of this sentence. But they’re also the same adjectives I use to describe this album. Previous The The albums are brilliant too, but Dusk is absolutely peerless and here’s why: Johnny Goddamn Marr. I’d been listening to and loving this record for ten years before I looked at the liner notes and saw that the ex-Smiths shredder was all over it. Everything that guy touches turns to gold. You might think that’s a threadbare declaration, ‘everything he touches turns to gold,’ but Marr literally has the Midas touch. One time my friend and I were at the park and we saw him pat a dog and it just froze and fell over: bong! Solid gold dog. The owner was like, ‘oh no!’ And then they were like, ‘Aw yeah!’
I can see how the cover of this album might turn off an affected little scene-rat like yourself; it’s not very ‘cool’ by today’s standards is it? You’ll have to get past that, and if you can’t, you’ll have to recalibrate your ‘cool barometer’ to make it work for you– which you fickle little fuckers seem to do constantly anyway. Shouldn’t be too hard.
Best tracks: ‘Slow Emotion Replay’, and ‘Lonely Planet’.