Time to celebrate your bromance.
It’s 2017. And while there might be a lot wrong with the world on a political front, there’s a lot that’s right with it from a social standpoint. Gender has effectively been rendered non-existent and sexuality is everything to everyone and nothing to no one at the same time. In fact, the former sentence is the very definition of modern equality according to apparently.com
It’s all pretty confusing really, but in a good way—like mochi (for real, is it jelly or bread?)
But it’s opened the door for mates, dudes and bros to break free from the shackles of traditional mateship and go public with their platonic love for one another.
And what better time to celebrate modern mateship for the single shaggers among us than February 14—Bro-Intine’s Day. Yep, women have claimed Galentine’s Day for girlfriends and it’s time for the unlucky-in-love lads to get it out loud and proud—their love of each other, of course, not their dicks. But who’s judging? It’s fucking Bro-intine’s Day.
Here are five suggestions to show your best mate you love him this February 14.
A bromantic dinner
Sharing an Eagleboys Pizza won’t cut it these days lads. Because in 2017 two single dudes can enjoy a candlelit dinner across a small table from one another without worrying if the staff will think they’re lovers. And so what if they do? Being a picture of stereotyped masculinity is no longer a standing requirement to be considered a man. We can all admit that eating by warm candlelight is a far superior dining experience to making a mess of your fave white tee under a flickering fluoro at Subway. So it’s time to stop beating yourselves up for being single and withholding some of life’s greatest pleasures. You deserve a candlelit dinner. And who better to share it with than your best mate. Better yet, there’ll be no qualms over splitting the tab.
All relationships have ups and downs, and what better way to look back on a rollercoaster year and reinforce your platonic love for each other than by watching a film where mateship prevails over all else. And these below movies will make Jono forget you ever made fun of his new Mazda MX-5 purchase…they’re not exclusive to hairdressers. Will Ferrell’s a specialist in the bros before hoes genre, with anything from Step Brothers, to Talladega Nights, Old School and The Other Guys reinforcing the values of unconditional friendship, and coming out a tough one better mates for it. Mates who laugh together, stay together.
A floral arrangement for him
If you’re a dude who’s ever received flowers in the office you can attest to the myriad raised eyebrows that ensue. We appreciate flowers but they do nothing for us. When was the last time you bought flowers simply for yourself? You haven’t. Because they serve no purpose—sans regifting them. And as men, we care not for purely aesthetic pleasures that one can’t rub one out to. But flowers must be incorporated in any admission of love according to Cosmo. So this Bro-intine’s Day, show your best bud the ultimate in affection by surprising him with flowers in a beer mug or a new board with an inspired floral arrangement.
An activity together
Few things test the strength of a relationship more than learning something new together. Just ask any former couple. And if you’re battling on the relationship front, take this opportunity to skill up and help your best mate do the same. Forget the sky-diving lessons and take a sexual seminar on how to physically please the opposite sex (if you’re gay you’re already a specialist in satisfying dudes). If you’re not, consult your best mate. But if it’s your friendship that is struggling, show your brother from another mother you’re willing to make it work, and look like a fool doing it, by going as far as to SUP with him in public.
Good mates also need to recognise the absurdity of spending a night exclusively together in a show of love to adhere to commercial holiday standards. And what’s a date night without dessert? Celebrate having made it through the night alone without self-combusting or fucking each other by sharing some dick together—of the chocolate or cake variety. Because girls love guys who can laugh at themselves.