I was in Byron Bay the night planet earth was turned into a bong.
My friend, Steve, did it. We’d just had a moonlight dip and were sitting in the sand, letting the sound of the waves slowly soften our thoughts, when he said “Hey. Cunt. Watch this.” He poked a stem and cone into the beach, then a length of garden hose; sparked his cigarette lighter, and smoked through the sand. It was a miracle. “The world is my bong, bro,” he said with a cough.
I’ve since realised anything can be a bong: an empty beer can, a toilet paper tube, a roast chicken. But the most ergonomically pleasing makeshift rig is the classic apple bong, a stopgap apparatus that Summerland has now immortalised in lasting ivory stoneware. They’ve named it “Fruit Fantasy.” If it were up to me it would be called “Apple Bong,” for that is what it is–a ceramic apple bong. Also, I hate the word “fantasy,” it makes my skin crawl. Same with “panties.” If I ever come across a lingerie store named “Fantasy Panties,” I’ll firebomb it.
Summerland is a stoneware company based in Northern California. All their products are handcrafted and elegant. If your mum dropped by unexpectedly, she could easily mistake your Summerland bong for a nice vase or classy objet d’art. “Heavens,” she might say, “that’s nice. Is that an objet d’art?” And you could nod from your leopard print bean bag and say, “Yes, mum, that is an objet d’art. Now, what do you want? I’m watching Kitten Academy and listening to Sunn O))).”