The Nike Koston 3s are not a Military Attack Spider


monster-children-koston-3s

I was gifted this sneaker when it came out in March and it took me until about a week ago to build up the courage to wear them in public.

This is the official release statement from Nike, dated March 1st:

Eric Koston is one of the most influential pioneers of modern day technical street skating. Now, he has focused his obsession with innovation and progression onto his 3rd signature model from Nike SB. Flywire cables and a Flyknit collar provide exceptional midfoot lockdown. To that system, we’ve added a flexible thin web outsole and the pinnacle heel protection of a Lunarlon + Zoom insole. Ultimately, the Eric Koston 3 Hyperfeel combines Nike technologies in pursuit of boardfeel perfection.

If it didn’t come with photos, I would have no idea that this technical writing was about a shoe, and not some giant mechanical military attack spider with laser web cannons that you control with your thoughts…but I digress. I wore the shoes sometimes around my neighborhood to try them out. The sock thing is the main feature that makes them look and feel insane. A guy at the bodega late at night said to me, “Those shits is fire.” That was the boost in confidence that I needed. That night, I decided that soon I’d wear them further than a block from the crib and out into the general public.

Their maiden voyage was to work at the bar. I got to work and it was like, “What the hell are those?” They are very light and supportive and good for bartending. Some days later I bumped into an ex on the street and she was like, “What the hell are those?? Are those your socks? Or does the sneaker have its own socks?”

monster-children-koston-3s-1

I wore them out skating after a couple of tries as a regular streetwalking civilian. By far the most comments I’ve ever gotten on my shoes, and I’ve worn some wild ones. They were met with a spectrum of responses, from shock to downright jealousy, but nearly everyone close enough to notice said at least something about them. I’ll be real: I couldn’t handle the attention. It brought back post-traumatic stress from when I was Dennis Rodman for Halloween as a very young child. All those adult eyes, pointing and laughing…I spent most of the night hiding in the car crying. Some children at Lenox Ledges were like “Holy shit! Dude has the Koston 3s!” Each friend I encountered was like “K3s, huh?” Others were like, “Are those even for skating?” and nearly every person, old and young, skater and non, inquired: “Does that sock, like, do anything?”

In brief: the sock probably does something. It makes it more difficult to put the shoes on and take them off, which is probably a good thing? There is some compression of the ankle amiss as well, which surely, probably, may do something beneficial.  They are supportive, they are breathable. They are the combined weight of maybe a single Vans Old Skool. There are ways to rock them so that you look less like a drop-crotched psycho, for instance, by wearing similarly coloured socks, or just wearing pants.  They don’t look that bad but they for sure look crazy.  They skate pretty good, if you can suspend the sensation that you’re landing on the moon every time you do a kickflip. They cost $150 USD, so I’d say that if you’re rich or if you get stuff for free, you should get them. Otherwise, I’d maybe advise against taking out a second mortgage. They skate pretty good though—I’ll tell you that for free. Pretty darn good.

Sign up for the Monster Children Newsletter