It’s Called The Shallows and it looks next level ridiculous/terrifying.
How many more times can Hollywood butcher surfing? Seriously. This latest god awful looking rendition contains the usual smattering of completely misunderstood fragments of surf culture. Like, why does an American, who looks like she’s probably made her way to some obscure slice of Hawaii or french Polynesia, have a surfboard made by obscure Gold Coast shaper JR? (Hint: It’s because they filmed the movie on the Gold Coast, and they’re lazy) And, more to the point, why would a local at a ‘secret’ spot have a Gath helmet with a GoPro on the top? But by far the worst thing about this trailer is that it actually looks terrifying. It’s all very well to watch Hollywood crucify surf culture and have a weep and a laugh, but the shark attacks in this look genuinely nightmare worthy.
We can only hope that redemption for The Shallows comes in the form of the lovely Blake Lively being torn to shreds by the hungry beast, although I doubt whether H’wood would be bold enough to throw a twist into such a predictable seat filler. Nope, you can bet that all the cannon fodder, like the one being spear tackled in the trailer, will get munched, and Blake’ll get off. Blake’s body double wasn’t a professional surfer, but former Olympic swimming hopeful Sarah Friend (pictured above at Tallebudgera Creek on the Gold Coast, another great place to get attacked by a shark btw). While we eagerly await a film that, lets face it, we’re all going to end up watching, let’s bask in the glory of the only time that Tinsel Town’s ever done surfing ‘right,’ the seminal 1978 classic, Big Wednesday: when men were men, shorts were short, and everyone hung at the beach and had a damn good time.