Last night, Shane Warne was evicted from Australia’s version of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! Hopefully, you had no idea that TV show even existed, let alone bore the brunt of knowing that Shane Warne was considered a celebrity. Yet here we are, in 2016, watching an ex sportsman with a brain smaller than a cricket ball competing against other L grade celebrities in a fake South African camp surrounded by cameras as he completes tasks like holding a venomous spider in his hand for 30 seconds and jumping from a trampoline to a rope net while connected to a cable.
Apparently Warnie’s true moment of glory came some episodes ago when he chased a dish of fly pupae, maggots and tripe jelly with a smoothie of fish guts before throwing up. The TV show’s host, Julia Morris, showered Warne with praise for the move, saying, “You are the superstar they talk about. You are a superhero. That was incredible.”
Now, as if it simply could not get any worse, Coldplay’s Chris Martin has publicly declared his love and support for Shane in a cringe-worthy video played by Channel Ten last night post eviction. In it, we see Mr. Martin pretending to lay in a bush and claim he too has been living in the jungle in solidarity with Superhero Shane before cracking a really unfunny joke about cake and telling Shane he loves him.
Reading this all back over, it sounds like the fictional work of a drunk bricklayer penning his thoughts on the back of a soggy coaster at the pub on his lunch break. But it’s actually real life. Shane Warne was evicted on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and then received a personal video message from Chris Martin wishing him the best.
Sign, seal, and file under The World is a Terrible Place to Live.